Boyfriend treats me badly sometimes

March 14, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am a young Christian, not in age, but in experience. I am 25 and I have had good and bad experiences with men. I was counting my sexual partners since I was 17, and nine of them tricked me and had their way with me. The young guys only wanted to have sex, but the older men treated me better.

I was sleeping with a man who was as old as my father. From the time we met, he told me he was married and that he was not leaving his wife. That man used to give me money up to three times per week. And there were times when I told him that I had to go to the doctor and he gave me money. But I had no reason to visit the doctor. I took money from him to help my younger sister and my mother.

I did not know my father when I was growing up. My mother only knew him by his alias, and she did not know where he was. But one day one of my mother's friends spotted him in Montego Bay and called out to him, then she asked him if he didn't have any shame. She told him that I was a beautiful young lady, so he called and introduced himself. I did not know what to tell him. He promised that he would send me some money, but I have not got anything from him. I tried to call him back but the number went to voicemail.

I went to learn to do hairdressing and nails. I learned a lot from the other women. I went to live with one of the hairdressers. I had to pay for everything; she only gave me shelter. But now I am doing alright because the other girls respect me and trust me.

I have a boyfriend. The only problem is that he is very jealous. Sometimes he treats me as a child, but he is the best man I ever had apart from the married man. I cheated on my boyfriend a few times because he heard something bad about me and asked me about it, and I told him that it was a lie. He said I was too bad, and then he started to slap me and we had a fight. After that, we had sex and made up. I thought of leaving him, but I couldn't because if I had, I would have to go back to this married man.

I have lost two pregnancies for my boyfriend. Sometimes I feel sorry that I don't have a child. But my mother said it is better not to have children than to have them and they suffer. This guy I am living with wants me to have my own parlour. He says that he will buy me what I need to start my own business. I told him the next time he hits me I will call the police. And, Pastor, I mean it.

I have learnt a lot from your column and I am trying to behave myself. I would like to get married. If this guy is willing to marry me as he says, I will accept his proposal. People say that I am pretty. I have clean skin. I have learnt from your column not to tell any man everything about my past. I will continue to read your column. You are the best.


Dear L.B.,

I am sorry to hear that the man you are living with beat you up. But you need not be afraid of him. Don't be afraid to report him if he tries to physically abuse you again. I am glad that you enjoy the work you are doing, and I hope that this man will assist you as he has promised. You said he heard something bad about you, but you did not say what. Regardless of what he heard, he has no right to abuse you.

You said you do hairdressing. I suggest that you contact HEART/NSTA Trust and get certified; please check that out.

Before I go, let me say this married man treated you well. You consider him to be the best man you ever had. However, I strongly suggest that you resist the temptation to have any further relationship with him. Stay with the man you now have, if he is willing to change his ways.


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