Ex-boyfriend’s lady told me I’m lousy in bed

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column online. I have been doing so for a long time. Your column has helped me. I have two teenage children and I have passed on some of your advice to them.

Their father and I are no longer together. He left me for a married woman. She is not a good-looking woman and she is very fat. When I found out that she was the type of person he was seeing and I spoke to him about it, she called me and told me that I would never get him back because all Jamaican women can do is cook, but they don't know how to do bedroom work. She said she knew that because she had to teach my children's father so many things he was lacking.

This man is very ungrateful, because he got himself into trouble with the law and my family spent a lot on lawyers to set him free. I am suffering because I did not listen to my relatives. They told me to leave him, but I held on because I love this man. But the love has now turned to hate. I do not see myself going back to him after his girlfriend told me terrible things, even about my private part. How can a woman tell another woman that her private part is mawga and that hers is fat? I have shed enough tears for him. I am done with him.

Pastor, I am now seeing another guy but I am scared because he was born in the same month as my children's father. Sometimes I question him to find out what he thinks of my children and whether he believes I am good enough for him, because my children's father told the girl that I am not fat down there. I asked him how he felt about me in the bedroom and he said I am fine and I make him happy. He also said that I am easy to please.

I do not want any more children until I am married. My sister and I have paid down on a house together. It's a lovely two-bedroom with two bathrooms. I have now got myself a job and my sister says that she will allow me to keep the house because her boyfriend is planning to buy a house for them.

My boyfriend only stays here with me when my sister is with her boyfriend. I feel so much better since my boyfriend has been assuring me that nothing is wrong with me. I used to drink things that would make me put on weight and I used to stand up before the mirror looking at myself hoping to get my private part fatter. But I don't do that any more. I accept myself now and I give credit to my boyfriend. I told my sister what my babyfather's girlfriend said and she said that the girl was jealous of me because I have shape and all she has is a lot of weight, including a big belly.

K.S.

Dear K.S.,

Firstly, I would like you to accept yourself as you are. Your children's father tries to make you uncomfortable with yourself and it affects you.

But I am glad that you have come to realise that nothing is wrong with you. You should give your present boyfriend credit for assuring you that you are OK. I don't want to go into everything he might have told you to assure you of that.

Your children's father has behaved as a fool. You are quite correct, he is very ungrateful. But, leave him alone. This woman who thinks that she is so good at pleasing him may live to regret it, because it's likely that eventually he will get tired of her and move on.

Concerning your boyfriend and the month in which he was born, please don't pay attention to that. If he is respectful to you and to members of your family, and if he loves your children and he helps to take care of them, you need not worry. Don't allow him to use you. So, learn to take some guidance from your mother and even your siblings. I hope that this man will love you enough to marry you, and I hope that your sister will give you her portion of the house.

Pastor