Happy because God has been good to me
Greetings to you once more, and thank you for your response to my letter: "Attracting sex demons". I am grateful for your reply. I have also seen some of the comments made by the so-called counsellors and psychologists. They were a bit mean and judgemental, but I guess that's how people are these days. I respect their thoughts and opinions. However, I want to address a few things because not all of what I wrote to you was published.
Firstly, I am grateful for the opportunity to attend university; I worked hard and was qualified to attend. I've been studying from 2015, so you must understand my complaint of being tired and overwhelmed, but I do look forward to another degree. I know what I want and what it takes, and that is the reason why I keep pushing through instead of giving up.
I don't condemn myself for masturbating, I just feel guilty and sinful. As I've said before, I just need stimulation and my hand does the job. I engage in masturbation when I'm alone at home during the days and when I am working night shift and have to be at work by 2 p.m. During that time my other family members are at work and my daughter is at school.
Secondly, I chose to be a single mother. It was my decision, otherwise I would be writing to you about my abusive husband. I won't be the first or the last single parent; even married couples have ended up being single parents. I was engaged, but after giving birth, the guy became emotionally and mentally abusive and we all know eventually it would have become physical, so I left early.
My child's father is refusing to care for her because I am no longer with him so I guess it's more of a spiteful act. I have taken him to court. He denied paternity but DNA proved otherwise. He was ordered to pay $5,000 per week which is ridiculous. The last court date was last September, and he paid because he did not want to go to jail. But since then, I have not got anything from him. I have lost interest because I think Family Court is a waste of time. I have to be taking days off from work to go back and forth and the settlement is not even 50/50 for child care.
I am doing what I can for my child and I will give her what she needs until I am in a better position.
Thirdly, as it relates to support, I do get support from my mom as well as my daughter's paternal grandmother. They have been making it much easier for me. My daughter's paternal grandmother picks up my daughter from school and cares for her until my mother gets home from work. Then my mother will pick her up and care for her until I get home at nights. I make charts and creative things at home to enhance her learning, but I think it is not enough, because most nights when I get home, she's asleep or I have assignments to complete and exams to study for. But despite that, she is very smart and advanced and I am proud of her and myself for trying. She is learning to read and spell and it's going great.
My mother is a domestic worker; she works six days per week and most times she is in pain because of her arthritis, but she gives me all the support she can and I am grateful. I want to give her the world because she has made many sacrifices for us as children. That is a story for another time.
Those who are discouraging me from religion, I am sorry, but God has done so much for me, so I cannot leave nor forsake him. He is my rock and shield, my provider, my caregiver, and strength. I have many testimonies of his goodness towards me so I cannot turn away from him.
Once again, Pastor, thank you for your time, I do hope you can publish this entire story, even if it's in two parts. I hope to hear from you again. Please pray for my family.
Thank you for communicating with me again. Your letter was very enlightening. You are a very smart girl and a hard-working one too. You have done well. I pray that God will enable you to earn your master's degree. I must also congratulate your mother and other members of your family, including your child's paternal grandmother. God is not sleeping and he knows how to deal with the father of your child. May the good Lord continue to bless you. I will be praying for you.