Husband says our marriage needs spice

June 06, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I always enjoy your column. I just celebrated my 40th birthday. My husband took me out for dinner, and while we were eating, he said he had something to tell me, but he didn't want to spoil my birthday. I told him that he should wait until we got home before telling me, so he agreed.

When we got home, I was anxious to hear what he wanted to say. He told me the time had come for us to 'spice up' our marriage. I asked him what he meant by that. He said he wants the relationship to be sweeter.

My husband is a cook. He works at one of the fast-food restaurants. He said that there are three cooks there, and he knows the difference in their cooking. He said that he can always say to them to add so and so to spice up the meal. He said that just like food, our marriage needs spicing up. I told him I didn't know what to do to spice it up, so he should tell me.

I told him I would do anything apart from him bringing another woman in our bed. He said that was what he was thinking about. I got up from the bed and went into my daughter's room and slept on her bed. I usually wake up about 4:30 a.m. and make him his breakfast. However, the following morning I did not. He knocked on my daughter's door and asked me if I was not going to make breakfast. I told him I was not in the mood. I asked him to consider what he told me on my 40th birthday. I also asked him if he would consider me bringing one of his friends into our bedroom, and he said I would have to be 'f*&^$ing" mad.

I know I am not mad, so I told him that he would have to be mad. I would prefer to leave him alone and struggle for the rest of my life. When he was leaving for work, he told me he was sorry for what he had said and that he would have to think of other ways of spicing up our marriage.

Since my husband said he wanted to carry another woman into our bed, I can't find myself trusting him, and I wonder if he is cheating.


Dear O.C.,

I know you were upset when your husband foolishly suggested what he would like for both of you to do to spice up your marriage. It is a very crazy thing he asked you to do. However, you answered him appropriately. You knew that he would not agree for you to bring another man in the bedroom.

There are numerous ways a couple can spice up their love life, and it does not have to actually be sexual. I think that you should throw away his suggestion. You can buy books and both of you read them. Love life can be boring if you do not work on it. Let your husband know that you are shocked at his request and you won't tolerate that type of talk from him.


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