Boyfriend hit me for talking to another guy

June 08, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and my boyfriend is 21. I love him with all my heart. The only fault I find with him is that he likes to curse when he cannot have his way all the time.

He also likes to listen to news from people, and some of these people who he listens to don't like me. They told my boyfriend that they saw me with a guy and that the guy is a bad man. He asked me about it and I told him I know the guy, but there is nothing between us. He told me to stop talking to him. I did not stop talking to the guy. He used to call me at times and I answered.

One day, my phone rang and I was with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend asked me who it was and I told him. He grabbed my phone and he told the guy to stop calling me and they had an argument on the line and my boyfriend beat me up. The next day I could not go to school because my face was swollen. He told me he was sorry and I forgave him. I stopped talking to the guy.

The guy and I never had sex. My boyfriend is just too ignorant. There is nothing that is too expensive for him to give to me. This guy threatened my boyfriend and told him that he knows where he works, and he is not difficult to deal with. I don't want this guy and my boyfriend to get into any battle because I cannot afford to lose my boyfriend. Only once did he beat me and that was over this guy, but it was my hard ears that caused that.

I am in school and I am doing well. Everybody on my side loves my boyfriend. So please don't tell me to leave him. I want him to get help for his anger problem.


Dear L.R.,

You write as a grown woman, but you are not yet an adult. You seem to believe that a man has a right to beat his girlfriend if she does not do everything that he tells her not to do.

There are so many men like that, and you have found yourself with this type of man. He listens to what people tell him and he believes what they say. I believe that he loves you and that you love him, but that does not give him the right to abuse you.

I am glad that the other fellow and you are not communicating any more. Stay out of his way. I suppose that your present boyfriend is helping you through school. You have not said what type of profession you would like to pursue. You believe that this man needs to work on anger management. I will send you the name and address of counsellors who can help him. That type of counselling is not for free. So I hope that he will not believe that all counselling is for free and that he will go and seek help. I further suggest that you should accompany him.

If your boyfriend feels threatened by this young man, he should report the matter to the police.


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