My lover’s ‘sister’ is actually his babymother

Dear Pastor,

I am a 35-year-old woman and I am having a problem. Two years ago I visited Jamaica and I met a young man on the beach.

He was doing security work. He was very polite and respectful. I spent three days, and by the time I was to leave I was in love with this man. I told him that I would return to visit him. I gave him my number. He didn't have a phone, but I could call him at his workplace and he returned my calls. For a whole year, that is how we communicated. I called him three times per week.

He said he did not have a girlfriend, but his sister was living with him and he was helping her to take care of her baby because the father is not supporting the child. He convinced me that he was speaking the truth. I really didn't have any reason to doubt him. Occasionally I sent him money. I decided to visit him. I went back to Jamaica and I took a girlfriend with me. She said that she hoped to find a man there. We booked in at the hotel, but I found it strange that he was so nervous. We went to his house and I met his 'sister'. But she was his babymother. She thanked me for supporting her child, and told me that my boyfriend does not work for much. She was not even aware that he told me that she was his sister.

When it was convenient, I asked him why he had to lie. He said that if I had known the truth, I wouldn't have anything to do with him. He is looking a way out of Jamaica. I felt so sorry for him, but I could not continue my vacation at the same hotel where he works. Everything I took for him I gave him, things like pants, shirts and a pair of shoes, which could not fit him. I gave the shoes to the bartender, who became my friend.

My girlfriend and I decided that we will not allow our trip to go to nothing. We enjoyed ourselves. The bartender took time off from work and took us to a place in Negril, which we enjoyed. He stayed with us and we had a good time. My girlfriend and I shared this man in bed, if you know what I mean. He said he always wanted to do a threesome. He also said we should not allow what this man did to change our minds from Jamaican men, because men are the same everywhere.

This is a secret that my girlfriend has to keep, because she has a boyfriend in America and he did not know that she was coming to Jamaica to find a man. I will have nothing more to do with the guard, but I will continue to send money to his babymother to help her, because she is unemployed and very poor.

This was the first time I engaged in a threesome. It is not something that I ever thought that I would do.

J.K.

Dear J.K.,

You heard that Jamaican men are good men and it is unfortunate that the security guard you met on your first trip to Jamaica proved himself to be a liar and a deceiver.

He could have told you that he was living with his child's mother. That is not a crime. He did not have to lie. He could have given you his cell number. Most adults in Jamaica have a cell phone. He was trying to rip you of and his evil works backfired on him. I am pleased to know that you were in a position to assist his child's mother. You are a grown woman; you should not allow anybody to fool you the way this man did.

Concerning your friend who came to Jamaica with you, let me make it clear to you. I have been a family counsellor for a long time; women have admitted to me that they have left men from abroad, mainly North America. They have admitted to me that they have told their boyfriends that they were coming to Jamaica on vacation, but unknown to the boyfriends, their main reason was to have sex with Jamaican men, who they heard have 'big bamboo' and they wanted to experience such men. They came, they enjoyed themselves, and went back to their boyfriends. Your friend and you enjoyed yourself with the bartender. All three of you went to the extreme by having a threesome. That was a dangerous thing to do because neither of you knew the health condition of this man.

Please come back to Jamaica at any time; Jamaica needs the foreign exchange. But don't throw yourself around when you visit Jamaica again.

Pastor