Auntie slept with my mom’s boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I am concerned about a relationship that my mother is having with a man, who I used to think of as my stepfather.

My father died 10 years ago and this man became a regular visitor to my mother. Although I was a child, I knew the difference between a man visiting a home and a man who was having a relationship with my mother. The males who visited used to just come and go. They used to sit on the verandah or in the living room, and she used to offer them drinks. They used to chat and leave. But whenever this man came, she used to sit very closely to him and hold his hands, and anything he wanted, he got. Then he started to go into the bedroom, and she checked to see if I was sleeping. Sometimes I pretended as if I was. They were in the bedroom until I fell asleep. I never knew what time this man left.

One day I asked my mother if this man loved her and she said, "Something like that," so I knew that they were together. He was very kind to me; sometimes he took me to school, or drove my mother's car and picked me up. My schoolmates used to call him my father. Then it became clear that this man and my mother had something tight because he started to sleep over whether or not I was awake or sleeping. When he did not come home, my mother always wondered what had happened to him. Sometimes it was worse when she could not reach him on his cell phone.

My mother has a younger sister who lives in Canada. She came to Jamaica on vacation and was staying with us. This man became very friendly with her and took her everywhere. I asked my mother if she couldn't see that something was not right. She said my aunt was glad to have somebody to move her around for free. This man took my aunt to St Ann and spent a weekend with her. I saw it on my aunt's phone. I told my mother and she said she would not fret over that because my aunt would leave soon. I don't like this man any more. He cannot be trusted, but my mother can't see that. I wish he would stop coming to the house, but he is not going to because my father left my mother lots of money and he knows about it, so he is trying to get as much as he can.

I would like you to tell me what I can do. I have a brother, but he does not live in Jamaica. I told him what was going on, but he told me to be careful about what I say, because my mother is a big woman and she must know what she wants.

I know this man slept with my aunt while she was here, and now he continues to sleep with my mother, and that is not right. I hardly talk to him any more. Whenever he offers to do anything for me, I tell him I am okay. Pastor, what should I do? Please give me your suggestion.

S.B.

Dear S.B.,

I fully understand what you have written. You love your mother and you are concerned about her. It is not a question whether your mother and this man are lovers. They have a relationship. They are not hiding; both of them are sleeping together and they know that you are aware of it.

Perhaps when your aunt came to Jamaica and was staying with the family, she was not even aware that they were lovers. As I write, I have to be so careful, but I am just assuming that she didn't know. If she knew that they were lovers, she surely did not behave as if she had respect for her older sister. She became sexually involved with her sister's man.

I want to believe that your mother was not aware that this man was sexually involved with her younger sister. I believe that she thought that he was trying to be extremely helpful to her by moving her around and doing other things for her. However, when they went together for a weekend in St Ann and did not invite her to go with them, your mother should have opened her eyes and realised that something was happening.

You have a right to be concerned, and I am sure that your brother is, too. But he is cautioning you to be quiet about it because he does not want to see the good relationship that you have had with your mother to become strained. If your mother is truly in love with this man, she is likely to curse you off and tell you to get out of her house, because it is not right for you to tell her how to live her life. Play it cool; time will tell if this man and your aunt have become lovers. Don't say anything negative about him to your mother or to your aunt. If you do, and it gets back to the man, he will hate you.

Pastor