Girlfriend’s babyfather wants to take her child

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I am in love with a girl who is presently pregnant by me. She is 25 and this is her second pregnancy.

We are living together. The father of her first child is not supporting the baby. When I met her, she told me the situation and said that she wanted to take him to court. I told her I did not want her to stand up before a judge, so I would support the child, and that is what I have been doing.

I did not plan to get her pregnant so soon, but when it happened I told her that as a man, I would stand up to my responsibility. My father offered me a piece of land in Clarendon. He told me that I could sell it if I didn't want to live in that area. That is what I am going to do, because this girl is a city girl and she doesn't know anybody in the countryside. I don't want her to get mixed up in the area, because the people there are not good.

Recently, the father of the child called her and told her that he wants his child, because he doesn't want his daughter to grow up with any stepfather. I told my girlfriend that she can give up the child if she wants, but she became very upset because I said that. I was not saying that she should give up the child; I was only saying that it would be up to her. The child has become close to me, but I realise that she is not mine and I would not fight this man. But the child is also hers, so she has to make a decision.

This man is not married. How could a man want a child he has not supported since she was born? Her mother told her she should not pay this man any attention, and she should concentrate on her pregnancy. She is a very wonderful woman and very soon, I will have to make up my mind whether I would marry her. I have a green card and I have applied for citizenship in America. We will have to settle this matter about our son before we get married. I have two children and they are living in America with their mother. These mothers are working women, but I do my best to support my children every month. I really love this woman; and after she has her baby, I believe that we should get married.

Pastor, what do you have to say?

O.M.

Dear O.M.,

In Jamaica, we have a way of saying something about someone who is just talking nonsense; we say that he is just 'running his mouth'. That man who has not supported his daughter since she was born is now saying that he doesn't want her to live in the same house with a stepfather, is just running his mouth. He is talking rubbish and your girlfriend should not pay much attention to him. What he needs to do is to give her money every month to support the child. As far as giving him custody of the child, that is a big no-no, so she should not pay much attention to him. But it would be natural for her to think about what he said. Therefore, I would suggest that she discuss this matter with a lawyer.

You said you have a green card. If you apply for citizenship in America, make sure that you do everything right and that the application is handled by an immigration lawyer who deals with those matters in America. He or she would tell you what should be done concerning your daughter, and the future in general. I wish you well. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor