Mother thinks I am having too much sex

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early 20s and I have a boyfriend. I really love this man because he cares for me.

I can rely on him for everything I want. I met him while I was still in high school. He told me he loved me and at the same time, my girlfriend, who was my best friend, told me she loved him, too. He chose me over her, but this girl and I are still very good friends.

She now has a boyfriend and her boyfriend is planning to marry her, but he wants her to live with him and to agree to get pregnant by him before he marries her. She said he is always telling her that his father told him that before he gets married, he should get the girl pregnant. She does not want to get pregnant, because he may impregnate her and not marry her. Her boyfriend is a policeman. He is handsome, but he does not like to spend money on her. It seems as if he does not trust her. My boyfriend trusts me; I have never cheated on him.

I am going back to school because I would like to be a pharmacist, but I am short on subjects. I don't have to tell my boyfriend to use the condom when we are having sex; I have the condoms. I know the brand he likes us to use, so I don't have any problem with that. I keep the condoms in a special place. My mother saw them and she counted how many I had there. One day we were talking, and she said to me that I am having sex too often. When I asked her how she knew that, she said that she noticed that the condoms I have in my underwear drawer are running out.

I told my mother that I would appreciate some privacy in my drawer; my brother has his own room and when his girlfriend visits him, she stays with him in his room. When my boyfriend comes, I used to leave with him and come back. But now that he is paying my bills, he sleeps with me at any of the houses.

My father died from a heart attack. My mother is unable to work, but she gets a little pension. However, my brother and I take care of her. My boyfriend treats her like his own mother.

Y.O.

Dear Y.O.,

Let me begin by responding to what you said about this man who told his son that he should try and impregnate his girlfriend before marrying her.

I am sure that you are aware, and that you believe, that it is unwise for men to marry women unless the women become pregnant. I had a discussion with someone who lives in a certain part of Africa, and he told me that a man should impregnate his girlfriend before he marries her. This man has children, but I did not ask him whether he believes in that too. It is not only men in Jamaica who believe this. Women always believe and teach it to their sons.

You have a very wise boyfriend; he protects you from pregnancy and he is also protecting himself. He is assisting you in going to school. I hope you will pass your exams and be in a position to enter college. I doubt your mother meant any harm when she spoke to you about the condoms she saw.

Your letter reminds me of a young man who impregnated his girlfriend, who was about 15 or 16 years old. His father saw condoms where he kept his briefs, so he asked his son why he had not used a condom with this young girl. His son promptly replied, "She doesn't like it." She loved to have sex skin to skin, so she got pregnant.

If your boyfriend and you are determined to have sex, make sure you do not have unprotected sex.

Pastor