Babymother sabotaged my condoms

Dear Pastor,

I don't know what your position on this matter is, but I feel that you are the right person for me to talk to.

I am 51 and I have fathered nine children with different women. Other women called my name, but they were only lying. I have been living with a woman for three years and we have two sons. She said she always wanted four children. This woman insists that she wants a girl. I told her I do not want any more children. I would love to retire from my job when I am 65, so I am already in trouble.

This woman and I have been using the condom. She told me that it is alright, she would get one of her sisters to take one of the children. I told her I do not agree. I sowed my wild oats and my children are scattered all over the place. Now that I am this age and we are together, I would like all my children to grow up in the same house.

This woman is 37 and she wants to have her own way. She knows where I keep the condoms and she went in there, took them out and punched holes in them. When I was ready to use the condoms and I took out a pack, I became suspicious. I could see that it was tampered with. I asked her whether she had done something to the condoms and she said no. But on close observation, I was convinced that something was wrong. To this day, she has not admitted that she tampered with the condoms.

We had a big argument over the matter. She kept trying to calm me down. I was convinced that someone cut the condoms, so I did not use any. I threw them away. I am so angry with this woman now. I find it hard to trust her. I complained to her mother about what she did and she told her mother that I was lying. The mother said that all she could say is that her daughter has been telling her that she wants another child, so I should give her another chance. I am not for that. I used to love her and trust her 100 per cent, but since she has deceived me, I have told her to move on; but she said she has nowhere to go.

At present, the relationship is not on good terms because, unknown to her, I did a tubal ligation operation to prevent me from getting her pregnant. I know that she would not have agreed for me to do it, but I have to do something to show her that I don't want to get her pregnant again. As a matter of fact, I don't want to get any woman pregnant. I want you to tell me whether you agreed to what I did.

I would like you to advice me what to do.

P.R.

Dear P.R.,

Some women will go to the very extreme to become pregnant. This woman is 37 and both of you have had two children together.

You told her at the very beginning of the relationship that you do not want any more children; two is enough. Having nine children is a heavy load to carry because it is not just a matter of feeding them, but you have a moral education to educate them.

You have come to realise that you made great mistakes in your younger days by impregnating many women. You have settled down with this woman, but she is not satisfied with just having two children by you. She wants a daughter, so if she was the one who tampered with the condoms, it means that she is really desperate. If you agreed to have another child with her, it might not be a girl, and so she should be thankful for what she has. If both of you are doing well financially in the future, you can consider adopting.

Pastor