Sex is just for making babies

Dear Pastor,

I am in my mid-30s and I have been a Christian since I was a teenager. I grew up in a very strict church.

I kissed a man for the first time when I was 21 and I went on a date. I was a college student and it was my birthday. This young man invited me out. I knew he was a decent young man, so I trusted him. We went for dinner, and afterward he asked me what next, and I told him that I had to go home because we had a lecture the following day.

He parked his car, walked me to the door of my apartment, held me and kissed me. He did not ask for permission. He kissed me twice and I pushed him away and told him that was enough. I reminded him that he did not ask for permission, and he said he did not realise that he had to get my permission. A week later he asked me for another date and I told him I would consider it. When he called again, I told him that I would rather not go with him, because I grew up believing that only my husband should kiss me. He apologised for what he did, so we went out. That night we discussed sex. I told him that I did not believe in casual sex, and that I understood the Bible teaches that sex is only for procreation. This date lasted many hours, because he was trying to convince me that sex was also for pleasure. I did not go out with him again because he was coming on very strong to me and he was not a Christian.

I met another guy who was a Christian. We went out a number of times and got to know each other. He told me that he believes exactly as I was taught. When two people are married, the only time they should consider having sex is when they want to have a child. This man and I got married, but soon after he changed. He always wants us to have sex and I cannot deal with that. We have two children. Sometimes we don't sleep together, because the moment he hugs me I know that he wants to make love, and I am not ready for a third child.

I still go to church, but he has stopped because he cannot accept any more that sex is only for procreation. Please tell me if I should stop believing what I have been taught.

K.W.

Dear K.W.,

It is so ridiculous for some churches to teach that a married couple should only have sexual intercourse if they want to have children.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Such teaching is unbiblical. It cannot stand scrutiny. Some years ago, I was introduced to certain missionaries who were in Jamaica. They believed and taught that crazy teaching. They taught also that when a couple gets married, they should separate themselves from each other for a while before they consummate the marriage. I told a couple of the leaders that they were crazy. I do not know if these folk are still in Jamaica, but they were very active in spreading propaganda.

Sex is not only for procreation. The Bible teaches that sex is also for pleasure. The Bible says that a man should not starve his wife from sex; neither should his wife starve him. Please read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2:Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3:Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4:The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5:Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."

If a man does not intend to satisfy his wife sexually, he should not get married, and the same goes for a woman. A man is likely to cheat if his wife refuses to satisfy him, and a wife is likely to cheat if her husband does not satisfy her. The Bible is very clear about that. So I beg you to change your attitude towards sex if you intend to have a happy relationship with your husband.

Pastor