Pastor not encouraging us to get married

September 25, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 71 years old. My wife died seven years ago and I told myself I would never remarry.

But I have found a woman and find it very difficult to resist her. She is 73 years old. She, too, was married, but lost her husband. Both of us are churchgoers. We went to see our pastor and we told him that we are in love with each other. He asked how our children felt about our relationship. She has two sons and they are not for it at all. I have a boy and a girl, and their concern is that this woman will not treat me well. So far, I don't have anything to complain about when it comes to the way she treats me.

We did not get much encouragement from our pastor. We are both retired. She said that she does not care what her children say. Her husband left the house for the children and her, and she can let them have it because he did not leave her poor. I have my own home.

Our pastor told us that we should give this relationship more time and not rush into marriage. I cannot understand why we should wait. We are mature people and the people in the neighbourhood have got accustomed to seeing us together, and they know that she sleeps at my house from time to time. Don't you think it will be better for us to get married than to live in sin?


Dear J.A.,

The Bible says it is better for a man to be married than to burn with passion.

Evidently, this woman and you are burning, well, perhaps not all together, because both of you are sleeping together, and I am assuming that you are having sex. I suppose your pastor is concerned that because of this woman's age and her children's attitude towards you, both of you need to wait a little longer to see if their attitude will change. If you feel you cannot wait any longer, then both of you should go ahead and get married. It would be good if you would get the blessings of this woman's children, but that might not happen.


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