Ex-husband wants to remarry me

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 and I am faced with a problem. When I was 25, I got married to a man who lives in America, but he is Jamaican.

He promised that he would file for me and he sent me money monthly. He sent me money for about four months, but then he stopped. He also stopped communicating with me. When I was able to talk to him, he said he got himself into some legal problems and he could not keep the promises he made to me. He said he was giving me permission to find another man. I broke down and cried.

I had a boyfriend before I met him, and I got back with this guy. He did not know that I had got married, so I pretended that I was only taking a break from him. One day I got a call from my husband saying that he had to divorce me. He sent me some papers and asked me to sign them. I tore them up and threw them away. I found out, through a friend, that he has divorced me, and I told the friend that could not be true because I did not sign the papers. My friend got the divorce decreed and sent it to me, because he knew everything and was living in the same area as my ex-husband.

I texted him and asked him if he had really divorced me and he said yes. This man came back to Jamaica and found me. I could not resist him, so we became lovers again. Now he is asking me to marry him again because he has straightened out his life.

I am afraid to remarry this man for a few reasons. One, I do not know if I can trust him; two, I don't know whether he is talking the truth; and three, I have been going to church and I got baptised. I would like to go to America; that was one of the reasons why I married him. But he let me down. He was telling me that he knows persons who were married, got divorced, but remarried the same person. I don't feel comfortable marrying this man again.

He took me to Negril where we spent a weekend together, and he behaved as if nothing had happened to our relationship. But every time we make love it bothers me. He said it should not bother me because we are still husband and wife, but that cannot be true because we are divorced.

Help me make a decision, please.

H.

Dear H.,

You haven't said what trouble your ex-husband got into why he told you to seek another man. Was he doing drugs? Was he arrested for some kind of crime and went to prison? Why did this man leave you, his young wife in Jamaica? And why would a man promise his woman to file for her and not keep his word? Was he involved in other illegal activities? I hope he has told you the whole truth.

Before you got married, you had a man in Jamaica and this 'sweet boy' came and got married to you, but you did not tell your boyfriend that you had got married. But when problems reached you, you run back to this man and you behaved as if you never left him. Some of you women are dangerous. Now your ex-husband wants you back, and both of you have spent time together. He is offering to marry you again. You are thinking about it because you believe at this time, you will be able to go to America.

How would you know that this man is not fooling you this time? Why do you think that he is speaking the truth? He is a liar, but you probably believe that you can trust him. I am not going to attempt to tell you what to do. I am assuming that this man will be back in Jamaica very soon, and when he comes both of you should make an appointment and go to see a family counsellor. I hope that this man is not using you for sexual gratification whenever he is in Jamaica.

Pastor