I have not slept with my wife in six months

Dear Pastor,

I am 55 years old and I have been married twice. I have three children with my first wife. They are all boys. I think that I am a good father because all my children have told me so.

I was part of the overseas farm work programme for many years, and, each time I travelled, I sent money back to Jamaica to take care of my home. My children were never in need of anything. However, for many years, another man was helping me out at my house. They call him Joe. I trusted my wife completely because she was a Christian.

One day, a relative of mine came to the house and saw my children playing together and said to me that one of the boys did not resemble anybody in the family at all. I was so upset. We had an argument over it and he told me he did not mean anything bad, he was just making a comment.

I found out after that he wanted to tell me something more, but, because of my reaction, he kept quiet. I did not realise at the time that this relative of mine knew Joe.

The relationship with my wife and I soured when I heard from others about a man she was seeing. It came from her own church people. She and one of the female members got into an argument and the member told her that she is a s!#t. They had a big quarrel in the church yard and folks told me.

To cut a long story short, my wife and I got a divorce. I went to live abroad and I continue to support my children. Five years ago, I remarried and this woman and I do not have children. I decided to stay with her, but she does not do anything for me. I have to do everything for myself. All she wants is money.

She is 10 years younger than I am. My pastor recently told me that marrying someone so young was a mistake. He did not do the marriage because he was recently called to be the pastor. The former pastor did our marriage.

This woman dresses up and leaves the house for hours and I do not know where she went. I have to be living on fast food and I am tired of it. I told her that she should go, but she says, whenever she is ready, she will leave, but she is not in a hurry to do so. I believe that she works as a call girl. She is never out of money. She hardly sleeps at the house.

My pastor told me, if I divorce her, they will remove me as a deacon from the church. I like the position as deacon in the church, so that would really hurt me. It has been six months since I have touched my wife. I have no feelings at all for her, I need to hear from you.

K.

Dear K.,

You are very unfortunate, but I hope that you would not do anything foolish. You got married to a woman and you got three children with her, although you have come to realise now that it is really not three children, it is only two. These children will always remember that you supported them. Children love fathers who support them. You have done well.

I don't know why your former wife kept a lover with you. Perhaps she needed more money and she did not feel that what you were sending to her was enough. You got married to a much younger woman and you thought that this younger woman loved you, but, evidently, she did not love you, nor did she respect you.

Any woman who respects her man would not leave the house without telling him where she is going. What would cause a woman to be out all night, and so often?

Your marriage is in trouble. Don't stick around and continue to be abused by your wife. It is better for you to be single and be happy than to be married legally and be unhappy. And don't allow the teachings of your church to keep you in bondage.

Pastor