How much should you share in relationships?

February 23, 2016

Once upon a time, boy meets girl, they make eye contact, hearts flutter, and they realise that they just have to be in each others' lives. Numbers are exchanged and the communication starts.

Usually, it's a phone call that seems to go on forever, or at least until the battery on someone's device dies. That may be followed by a date or two, but at some point this couple becomes an item. Now comes the conversation about how much privacy or secrecy is allowed in the relationship.

Before I go further, let me make the distinction between the two.

Privacy: A state of being away from public viewing or occupying own personal space.

Secrecy: An action of keeping certain information to oneself or being particularly selective about sharing with others.

Now, when it comes to relationships, there is a delicate balance between secrecy and privacy that the couple has to establish. One school of thought is that everything must be out in the open, and there should not be any secrets at all. While that sentiment is great, most individuals are not comfortable with that level of openness. Let's look at some areas of conflict when it comes to secrets and privacy




Privacy - A person's phone is their personal property, and he/she should decide how much he/she wants to share with their partner. However, walking away every time the phone rings and being extra guarded about the device to the point where he/she cannot leave it unattended at all is being secretive.




This one is sticky because a person's home is their domain, and they get to decide what happens there. However, if your partner invites you over to his/her home, be respectful and don't start acting like a CSI Agent by searching everywhere.

If you are a secret, you probably will not be invited to the house at all.


Social media


Social media access is a sore point for so many persons because some partners require full access to all accounts. Not only that, they want the owner of the account to declare to all of social media that they are in a relationship, to the point where the relationship status must be updated or that will be grounds for the relationship to end.

Some persons choose not to post their relationships on social media, and I think they should be free to make that choice. For the persons who are concerned that they are being kept a secret because of the lack of social media presence, it's important to have that conversation with your partner.




Usually in a new relationship, the couple expects to be introduced to their partner's friends, but this may or may not happen. This is also something I think should be left to the discretion of the individuals. They know their friends better than you do and they may have reasons to delay the introductions.

It is not always easy to navigate how much to share or keep to oneself in a relationship, but I believe that each person's privacy should be respected and they should be able to decide how much to share. Ultimately, it's important to find someone who has the same values as you do when it comes to these issues. Be clear, and make sure that your partner knows what your expectations are. Have fun and stay sexy.

Send your questions or comments to or Tweet me @drsexyann or Facebook Website:


Dear Dr Sexy-Ann,

I want a threesome for my birthday, but my girlfriend is not interested. I have been fantasising about it for a long time, but I cannot find anyone who will do it with me. How can I convince her to give me a threesome for my birthday? I don't want to cheat. Please help.

Paul, Ocho Rios

Dear Paul,

The decision to have a threesome is not an easy one, but you have to respect your girlfriend's feelings about it. I don't recommend that you cheat on her to get it either.

If it means that much to you, you should tell her how you feel. You should also evaluate if you want to jeopardise your relationship for a single sexual experience.

If that's what you want to do, then maybe you should move on and find someone who shares your sexual desires.

Good luck,

Dr Sexy-Ann

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