Couples should have sex before getting married

June 14, 2016

As a child, you are taught about life and what to expect as you grow up. You go to school, church, learn the things you need to be a responsible adult, meet another responsible adult, get married, have children, raise them, get old, and eventually die. When we start going through puberty, our parents do everything in their power to keep us from having any interest in sex - even though our bodies are sending us a much different message. When young people ask their parents about sex, they are greeted with a myriad of reasons why they should stay far away from coitus.

We eventually become adults. In addition to the various challenges that we face in developing relationships, we also have to manoeuvre the rules and expectations around sexuality. For my religious colleagues, it's very clear - no sex before marriage - fornication is a sin. I am not a religious person so I don't make my decisions based on religious rules. Personally, I think it is imperative that a couple knows each other intimately before they get married. At this point, I want to be clear that this is not an attempt to sway individuals from their personal choice on this issue - more so to offer an alternate point of view.


Sexual compatibility


At the beginning of a relationship, the parties spend their time getting to know each other - their likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, morals, ethics, and all of these important things. One very important thing that I think couples should also figure out during courtship, is their sexual compatibility. I don't know why, but many persons seem to discount the importance of the quality of intimacy in a relationship until it becomes a point of conflict. The fact is that the top two reasons for divorces are issues regarding sex or money. So, the sexual compatibility is very important to the success of the union.

I once heard a pastor tell his church member, who was getting married and was concerned about the sex in her relationship, that she doesn't have to worry about sex because sex is for procreation. While this is true, that's not the only purpose that sex serves, and the level of happiness in the relationship can almost be measured based on the status of the couple's sex life.

It's not enough to know that your partner has the body parts that you like; you also need to be able to answer the following questions:

• Is your partner able to arouse you?

• How well do you connect during intimate moments?

• How much do you enjoy sexual contact with your partner?

• Do you crave sex with your partner?

• Do feel lustful when you look at him/her?

• What are you into sexually?

• Does your partner share your sexual interests?

• How adventurous are you or your partner?

• Is the sex satisfactory?

• Who usually initiates sex - you or your partner?

These questions are merely guidelines that will give you a snapshot of your sexual compatibility with your partner. Always remember that communication is important to the success of your relationship, so ensure that you and your partner are on the same page. So, go get your freak on and don't wait until you have committed to someone for life before you find out if you are

sexually compatible. Have fun and stay sexy.

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Dear Dr Sexy-Ann,

I seem to have lost my sex drive. I have been working long hours, not eating well and my partner is not really doing much to entice me. She has also been gaining weight and we are not as attractive as we used to be. Help, I don't want to lose my wife.

Paul, Norbrook

Dear Paul,

You have identified your problem. You are not treating your body the best way, and both you and your wife have let yourselves go. Start doing something about it together. Get a trainer and change the way you eat. Many persons don't make the connection between a healthy body and a healthy sex drive, but they are definitely related. Both you and your wife can start getting healthier and more attractive together, and trust me, you will not only get back your sex drive, you will have the energy to do something about it.

Good luck

Dr Sexy-Ann

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