Enjoying time with each other
I spend a lot of time at events and I have been observing a very disturbing trend in the dancehall space. I pointed some of it out on my recent appearance on Onstage (popular entertainment TV program). What I have observed is that couples are not spending their leisure time together. While many persons have conceded that the "honeymoon" period when the couple is just getting to know each other is going to come to an end at some point, the continuous distance that seems to be growing between partners is troubling and does affect the success of the relationship. Personally, I don't think that the honeymoon has to end; it only does if you let it.
So what do you do for fun? Who do you usually share the experience with? Is it an activity that you can share with your partner? I spoke to several men after the Onstage episode aired and I asked them why they spent so much of their leisure time with their "bredren". Most of them point out how miserable their women are and how taking her with them is not fun. Others say that they simply have more fun with their friends because they can be themselves and the pressure is less. This is cause for concern in my opinion because if it is that they find the women in their lives such a problem, that they don't want to spend time with them, they are off to a very rocky start in their relationship.
I think that part of choosing a partner is that you want to share the fun moments with that person. As a matter of fact, that is a great way to identify if that person is actually the one they want to be with - the fact that you enjoy each other's company. But it seems that the women are hanging out with their girlfriends and the men their bredren. Perhaps enjoying similar activities is not as important to couples as other attributes such as financial security, children, and even a visa. But I disagree. I think when it's all said and done, and all the smoke clears, and a couple is left with each other, that they should at least be able to enjoy being with each other.
For too many couples, their daily conversation is about mundane, everyday things like who paid the light bill and when to pick up the children from school. But when it comes to discussions about their feelings and desires or even just effectively communicating with each other, it's very lacking. Too many couples have become roommates who just share the responsibility of a house and the children. So as a couple, you should make plans to spend time, at least once a week, together, just the two of you. You can choose how you actually spend the time - from a romantic dinner to clubbing and everything in between. The bottom line is even though you will hang out with your friends, they should not get all your attention and leisure time.
Once you stop making an effort to be together, that is usually the first step in drifting apart as a couple. So while you maintain your friendships, your relationship pays the price, and that should not be the case.
Dear Dr Sexy-Ann,
How do you know someone is right for you? All the signs are there that the person cares for you, but you keep pushing that person away because you are afraid and you just don't know how to love or what love really is. I am afraid that I will get hurt. What should I do?
Brenda, Hope Pastures
Life is a risk. There is no precise formula for finding the perfect person and there is no guarantee that you will not get hurt. You have to trust your instincts and find out as much about the person as you need to know, but at the end of the day, it is a risk you are taking. I suppose the ultimate question that you eventually need to answer is: Is that person worth the risk? If you decide that he/she is, then just take the leap and trust yourself and your feelings.