Suspense turns back on church - Artiste says she is returning to dancehall music
After two years of trying to live a 'holy' Christian life, 2017 Magnum Queen of Dancehall, Suspense, has decided to abandon her journey as a saint of Christ. Pointing out that it's better to live in her truth than live in denial, Suspense says that she will be returning to her dancehall roots.
"I still go to church, but I'm not a Christian anymore. I can't live the church hypocrite life. I can't have one foot in and one foot out. I'm trying to find myself and I'm truthful in myself, I can't pretend and feel uncomfortable. I worship every single day, every morning, every night but me just nah do the church thing anymore," she said.
"In the Christianity world, I felt lost. Trying to get the Holy Spirit, trying to live that life, I was more than overwhelmed. At first, it was great and I was feeling very good about turning way from the sinful world, but then it started to feel like me put mi self inna prison. I turned my life over and I was trying and praying not to turn back but all I wanted to do was dancehall music, not dirty, raunchy music, but dancehall."
The entertainer said that she's aware of the judgement that may now befall her but explained that when she began her Christian journey, she was genuine about changing her lifestyle.
She said that she was going through some things at the time that only divine intervention could fix.
"What I was going through, nobody but God could change things. I turned over my life and my church and my pastor were very supportive but I didn't feel comfortable," she said. "You know how some females turn to a man when dem need love and comfort? I needed love and comfort and I turned to God at that time. I don't regret doing it but I can't hold it out anymore. I'm not against God or against the church, I just have to do me. I can't lie to myself. I feel like myself when I deejay and I'm honestly happier now."
Updating her YouTube
Since deciding to once again take on the dancehall world, Suspense has found a manager and is looking forward to updating her YouTube channel and releasing a music video.
The entertainer says that she will be easing back into the music because she doesn't want it to seem like she never cared about her walk of faith.
"I did care so me nah just jump back out deh. When me feel mi self a turn back, all me did a pray for was 'no God, no'. It wasn't what I wanted, it just happen," she said. "I judge myself enough so anybody weh go judge me can gwaan. Me know say turning back wrong, but in church, I was unhappy. When God call my name nobody can't answer and vice versa, so dem need fi worry about dem self and not me. Me affi take my own beaten and learn from my own mistakes."