Boyfriend can't make me orgasm


December 08, 2015

Dear Readers,

Martine, 20, was a virgin until a year ago when she met a special man but sex has been a "let down" for her so far. She doesn't like sex as it really doesn't do much for her but she prefers the kissing and manual touching which comes before. She has never experienced an orgasm with her boyfriend and finds this depressing. She asks Check Up if something could be wrong with her and what can be done to make this necessary act more pleasant.

The concerns women have about "orgasms" are many and often remain unexpressed as most women don't try to find a remedy but just accept the situation, wondering if something may be wrong with them. Statistics reveal that more than 50 per cent of sexually active women complain of dissatisfaction with orgasm due to sexual intercourse, and that more orgasms occur for women during committed, serious relationships.

Men are more easily aroused sexually. That's a fact although the little 'clitoris', the female 'bud' is thought to have about as many nerve endings in it as the entire male appendage! Women take longer to achieve orgasm and require their partner to spend time arousing their bodies with sexual foreplay and also stimulating the clitoris directly. Because many men hurry sex, their female partners get left behind, unfulfilled. There is an orgasm gap between men and women.

For women the nerves responsible for sexual stimulation lie in the clitoris, immediately surrounding tissues and at times, also at the entrance to and just inside the vagina. Further down inside the vagina there are few nerves with which to reach orgasm. This is why most women do not experience orgasm often with regular vaginal intercourse if it is not also "subsidised" with play at the clitoris. In fact statistics reveal that 70 to 80 per cent of women will not climax without some clitoral stimulation.

sexual intercourse

Nevertheless, intimacy and close feelings are of major importance for most people, male or female, participating in sexual intercourse. Truly happy couples don't count the orgasms!

It all boils down to the fact that women need more stimulation than men and for a longer duration to achieve orgasm. The best orgasms are said to occur when the physical manifestations are blended with positive emotions. The orgasm itself refers to a climactic discharge of sexual energy and accumulated excitement which results in rhythmic muscular contractions in the vagina and pelvic region. Muscular spasms can occur elsewhere in the body and orgasm is associated with increased heart rate, changes in the blood pressure and respiration and with a feeling of "euphoria" accompanied at times by involuntary vocalisations.

Many men take as short as four minutes to reach orgasm while on average women will take 10 to 20 minutes. This gap must be bridged to allow the female partner pleasure.

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