Tired of my worthless stepfather

Dear Pastor,

I am a 27-year-old woman living with my mother and her husband. They have been together since I was about three years old, so this man basically raised me.

When I was younger, I was never allowed to go anywhere and he never took us anywhere either. He was verbally abusive and he told me I was stupid all the time. As a young adult attending university, I was still not allowed to go out and if I did, he cursed me.

I graduated and I am now working. The pay isn't a lot but I can survive. Our house needs some renovations and I did it out of my own pay. I also bought us new furniture and appliances. My stepfather hardly contributes to any bills or provides food in the house. Before I was working, most of the time the pressure was on my mom because we don't know what he does with his money. My mother is a humble woman and she does not complain. I don't know how she provides for us on minimum wage. Since I started working, I pay the majority of the bills in the house.

I met a nice man who treats me well and helps me. We have been together for almost a year, however, sometimes I sleep at his house and when I do, my stepfather has a problem with it. He does not know my boyfriend and I don't want him to meet him because that man is not a nice person. He said I should not sleep out, I should come back home. I feel like I have never got the respect I needed. I was never treated as an adult living in his house. I don't want to live with my boyfriend as yet, so I would like to rent somewhere for myself. Do you think I should move out?

C.

Dear C.,

Let me begin by congratulating you. I am sure that your mother is very proud of you. She tried her best to give you a good education although she was earning minimum wage and your stepfather did not help her much with financial or moral support. He was an abusive man you say, but God brought you through. You have tried to make your mother very comfortable by renovating the house and by buying new furniture. Your stepfather has lots of 'mouth', but he is not a man of whom you can be proud.

You are 27 years old and if it is your wish to rent an apartment, because living on your own would make you feel more comfortable, then you should do so. I would suggest, however, that you should discuss that with your mother. You say that you do not want to live with your boyfriend, so I suppose you just want some independence and that is why I say discuss the matter with your mother. I wish you well.

Pastor