My boyfriend doesn't want to join church, get married


January 14, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I need your advice about my current relationship. I am dating a man who is 10 years older than I am. We have been dating for almost four years. I am a Christian who loves the Lord and wants to get married. I have been asking my boyfriend to join the Church, but he says that he is not ready. He has visited twice since we have been dating and he says that he doesn't like it.

I am well educated and have a good job. I make twice the amount of money he makes. I have a car and plan on buying my house soon. He has his own house. Pastor, am I wasting my time with this man? I am not interested in getting married to a non-Christian. He also has no intentions of getting married soon. He always tells me he loves me.

Pastor, it has been on my mind and heart because this man is the ultimate gentleman. He goes above and beyond to make me happy, but I want to settle down and get married. There is this guy at my church who I am starting to like. We are friends and he loves God. Sometimes I wish my boyfriend had a similar interest in God. Things would be perfect if he did.

Please give me your advice. What could I do to have my boyfriend have a change of heart?

Otherwise, I would like to know what I could say to him to end the relationship that would not hurt him. I am looking forward to your response. I need to get on with my life.

Thank you and keep up the good work.


Dear Perplexed,

As you know, the Bible says, "Two cannot walk together unless they be agreed." It is evident that you love your boyfriend dearly and both of you have a good relationship.

However, this man has no interest in getting married at this time. It is almost as if he is pushing you away. Why should a man have an intimate relationship for four years and not be willing to commit to getting married?

You cannot force him to love your church. I believe that you are wrong to try to convince him that he should attend your church. He doesn't have to. However, it would be wonderful if he served the Lord even if he attended another church. You are not getting younger.

Though you have not said anything about having children, I suppose that would be your desire. I don't believe you should be overly concerned about how this man should feel if you were to end the relationship with him. He is not concerned about your feelings. It doesn't appear that way at all.

Therefore, it's time for you to tell him that you are tired of going with him and of his refusal to marry you. Tell him it's a new year, and you are tired of waiting on him and not knowing if he will change his mind and marry you.

If he is not willing to marry you, he should release you. Do not tell him about the young man you are admiring at your church. Don't raise that matter at all. He will use that against you. When you are purchasing your home, do not include him in the transaction. Don't take a cent from him. Make sure a real estate lawyer advises you all the way.


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