I tried tying him, not sure it's working


April 25, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am in a bit of trouble and I need your advice. I am 27 years old and I have two children, but the father and I are not together. He supports his children when he feels like it. I can't depend on him for anything. He also lies a lot. If I ask him for money for myself, I have to agree to give him sex. Sometimes I do it because I can't do better. I stopped giving him sex and my bills began to pile up on me.

I met a guy and we started a relationship. He is three years younger than I am, but he is working and he is very kind. He introduced me to his people and they like me. They didn't know I have children. When his mother found out that I have children, she told him he should not take on that responsibility.

At Christmas, he took all of us to his family reunion and they like my two boys. A friend told me what to do to hold this man. I did not want to do it, but when I considered about what I can get from him, I decided to do it. I didn't have to do anything that is nasty, but since I started to do it, it is not working because I found out that there are days that I am looking for him and he doesn't call or come to see me. He says he is very busy. I don't want this man to leave me. He helps me pay my rent and sends the children to school. He goes with me to PTA meetings and he is a good lover. The girl that he is friendly with lives in New York. He told me that they are only friends and nothing more. I feel I am losing this man. He is not just handsome, he is educated. Do you think he is listening to his mother and doesn't want to tell me the truth?

When he is with me I make him feel comfortable. He does not talk much. I have to dig everything out of him. Please tell me what to do.


Dear I.H.,

I can tell you why you are worried. You are worried because you were told that you could tie this man to you, and by tying him to you, he would never leave you. You believe what you were told and you did what you were told. And now that the man is not sticking on to you like how ticks stick on to animals, you are scared that what you did to 'hold' him is not working. You understand that this young man has another girlfriend.

He told you that they are only social friends, but you don't believe him. He could be speaking the truth, but the question is, why is he not coming to see you as often as before? Perhaps he is really busy. I repeat, the only reason why you are so worried is because of what you did and you realise that you were deceived into believing that that method could hold a man. I hope this man leaves you, and I will tell you why.

You are not a good woman. Any woman who would put foreign matter in a man's food is not a good woman. And if it could be proven that she has done these things, she should be arrested, tried and sentenced to prison.

Now, this man doesn't realise as yet what you have done, but you know what you have done and you have two boys. When they grow up and have their girlfriends, you wouldn't like to know that any woman did anything to them to tie them to her. You are a worthless, good-for-nothing woman.

You should be ashamed of yourself. Allow this young man to decide which woman would become his spouse. Shame on you.


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