Mom wants me to 'tie' my boyfriend!

September 14, 2016

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I am 22 years old and I am living with a 40-year-old man.

He was once married, but is now divorced. He has two children with his wife. She has the children living with her. When I met him he was living with another girl, but he said she was lazy.

She didn't like to clean. She would stay home all day and watch television and allow her friends to come to the house.

She would take his money and gamble every day. He had encouraged her to go to school, but she wasn't interested, so he asked her to leave.

When he told me that I should come and live with him, I did not want to go. But after spending a week with him, I saw that he loved me and that he was a good man.

I even searched the house when he wasn't there to see if women's clothes were in the house. I only found one item in his draw where he keeps his boxers. I don't know what that was doing there. I said to myself maybe that was left there by mistake.

The girl that he asked to leave came by once when I was there and he introduced me to her. He told her that I am his girlfriend now, so she shouldn't come back.

When she was leaving, she said, "Ok, Miss, take care of him for me." He is a good man, but I am having a problem.




He has two pieces of land and his ex-wife's name is on both titles. He has promised me marriage, but my mother said that he should take his ex-wife's name off at least one of the titles.

I said it to him and he told me he cannot do that because his wife and himself have two children and whatever they had while they were married should go to his children, so the both of us should work hard and purchase something for ourselves.

I am not working, but I saw his pay slip. He earns $250,000 every month. He likes me to dress up when we are going out.

His friends always admire me and he likes that. I am not ashamed to tell you that I am just learning to read well.

When he met me I could not read well. My mother did not care about her children. She hardly sent us to school, but when people see me they would never know that I am illiterate, because I know how to dress and I am slim and attractive.

I can cook and I take care of the house and I give him what he wants in the bedroom. Sometimes he tells me that I am working too hard to please him.

If anything happens to him I will have nothing. His wife would have everything. My mother says that she knows what I can do to get more out of him.

So I am wondering if I should tell her to go ahead and do what she wants to do.


Dear P.G.,

You are 22 years old. You have found a man who evidently is taking good care of you and you are taking good care of him. Both of you are happy together.

When this man met you, you could not read well, now he is helping you to read. What you need to do is try your best to get him to agree to send you to school.




I know that you are a little embarrassed, but it was your mother's own neglect and her lifestyle that has caused you not to have a reasonable education.

So tell this man that you would want to make that your priority. Getting an education is what you want above all the things he has wished for you to have.

Concerning the properties he has, do not try to convince him to put your name on any of the titles.

You should not be greedy. Your mother is misleading you. She ought not to be encouraging you to push this man to put your name on his property. This man is intelligent.

He and his ex-wife bought these properties and it does not bother him if her name is on the titles. He wants them to be passed on to his children.

You have recently come into his life. You don't deserve to have any.

Evidently, your mother believes that she can get somebody to 'tie' this man to you and for you to make a fool out of him. If you try to do so, it might backfire on you.

Don't try to do anything that is dirty to this man. Don't put any foreign matter in his food.

Perhaps your mother believes that she would also inherit anything this man gives to you.

Young lady, if you play the fool, this man will throw you out of his house just as he did to the last girl who was living with him. Reject your mother's advice.


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