My man pays my rent, but he can't sleep over


September 21, 2016

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you in the name of our soon coming King, and greetings to all your readers and family members on your show.

I am 24 years old and I have two boys. I am not married, and my children belong to different fathers, but they are not supporting the children as they should, so I am going with a different man now. He took on these children.

He is 40 years old. He helped me to get a job and he is living with his children. He has three of them.

I am having a problem now because he is paying my rent and whenever he wants to come over to see me I sometimes tell him he can't because I have become a Christian, and I don't want people to see him coming to my house and staying with me until it's late.

He says that he understands, but sometimes he comes in the middle of the night and I have to let him in because he is paying the rent, which is $30,000 a month.

I told him he is taking advantage of me, but he said he is not. He said a person who is taking advantage would come every night and he is not doing that.


I want us to get married because he treats me well, but we cannot get married until he gets his divorce.

Sometimes I go to church and I sit at the back because I feel guilty. When some people ask me if this man and I are in love and if we have a relationship, I tell them no; but when folks ask him, he tells them yes.

He is proud to have me as his girlfriend. I am happy to have him, but I don't want it to be noised about.

I am afraid to leave him because these young guys are just jokers. I have tried them since I was 18 years old and all they want is sex.

I had a boyfriend before I met this man, but he has no reasonableness. He used to embarrass me and make lots of promises that he couldn't fulfil. So, Pastor, I am asking you for your advice. I will be looking in THE STAR for your advice.


Dear A.T.,

First of all, let me say thanks for reading my column.

I am glad that you are a Christian. You have struggles, but you will overcome them. I do understand what you are trying to say.


I think that you should not allow the fathers of your two children to go free. You should take them to court for maintenance and make them pay.

I know that some people may discourage you from doing so, but ignore them. Even if your present boyfriend tells you that you should not take these men to court, try to convince him and show him why you should; and tell him that life would be much easier for you and him.

This 40-year-old man has been a real help to you, so you don't have to tell him not to come back to see you. He has been really good to you, but it's a real challenge with your faith while you carry on an intimate relationship with him.

If I were to tell you to leave him, it would sound cruel. On the other hand, you would have to determine whether this relationship will help you while you are trying to serve and please your Saviour.

You are working, so you can help yourself. The salary might not be enough to pay your rent and to help your children and yourself.

You should encourage this man to get his divorce as soon as possible if there are no plans to be reconciled with his wife.

You should not give him the impression that you are comfortable with the relationship that both of you are having.

Perhaps I am being unfair because you are not comfortable, but what I am trying to say is that some men would just take things for granted unless the women push them a little. I wish you well. Do keep in touch with me.


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