Baby father is very abusive and mean


October 01, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I have two children. I am living with a man who is the father of one of my children.

He is very abusive and controlling. If I go out and stay longer than he expects, he would quarrel all night and say that I went to take man.

He is 46 years old. I was very loyal to him. I never used to cheat on him, but I have changed.

My brother was coming to Kingston to attend a wedding and asked me if he could spend the night with us. I told him that I would talk to my boyfriend, but I didn't think he would object.

When I spoke to him, he said he didn't want my brother to stay because he wasn't sure that he was my brother and I could tell him that he is my brother, but he was probably my man, so he didn't want him there.

I could not tell my brother what he said, so I had to lie and tell my brother that we were expecting a guest at the same time when he wanted to come. This thing brought a big fuss between the both of us.

He said he wants us to have another child. I told him that I didn't want to have any more children unless we get married.

I was on the Pill and he threw them away. He searches my belongings.

He tried to fight me for sex so I moved into another room. I did not give him any sex. He stopped giving me money. This caused me to get involved with another man.

I am doing sales so he is cursing me even more. I am working with a company and the guy and I go out together and promote products, etc.


We have got involved but he has his woman and they are living together and they have a child. We don't have unprotected sex.

This man I am living with buys the groceries. He does not cook so when I go home, I cook and leave his dinner. My children are not living with me. I am able to support them now because I am working.

This man told me that if I am not having sex with him, I should leave. I am willing to have sex with him but he must use a condom because I don't want to get pregnant.

My friends think that I am having a wonderful life living with this man. The house is his. I don't want any more children and that's why I was on the Pill.

I know I will have to leave. I really love the guy that I am working with and he loves me too. Our relationship is a secret.

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep when I think of my situation. I say to myself that I should call the guy's house and let his girlfriend know that he and I are friends. That might be the only way I will get him for myself.


Dear M.K.

Now that you have a job, why don't you try and rent a little room with its own facilities and move out of this man's house?

You have two children and you do not wish to have more, but the man is pressuring you to get pregnant. You did not mention whether he has children. If he has, he needs more, but you don't want anymore and you have not been careless; that is why you went on family planning. This man has a dirty habit. He searches your belongings and he is also controlling. Good men don't do these things.

He threw away your birth control pills. He is acting like a bully. You should leave his house. You are making life even more stressful for yourself. You got yourself a job and you have become sexually involved with your co-worker and your co-worker has his woman. He has told you the truth; they are living together and they have a child. You shouldn't go there at all. Wrong move. And the scheme that you are plotting might backfire on you. Perish the thought of calling this man's woman to inform her that you are in a relationship with her man. That may cause a big breaking up with the man and his woman, and there is no guarantee that this man would come to you.

Therefore, the first move you should make is find yourself a place to live, then end the relationship with the 'bully' and tell your co-worker that you are uncomfortable having a relationship with him because he has his woman.

Give yourself some time to think. Don't go into another relationship immediately, and when you are ready to go in another relationship, make sure the man doesn't have another woman.


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