Living with my manipulative deacon boyfriend


November 01, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I hope all is well with you. I am here seeking your advice and hope to get a response from you as soon as possible.

I am 25 years old and I am a Christian. I have a boyfriend who is a deacon in our church. I became a Christian after we met.

The thing is, Pastor, we have been together for over three years and are still not married. He makes comments in front of me and his friends that he doesn't have a woman, and everyone knows that we are seeing each other.

He is very sneaky. He flirts with and makes comments to others girls in front of me like I am not there.

We are living together now because I had some issues with my family that caused me to stay at his place while he was abroad. He is back now, but things are just not going the way I want them to go.

Sometimes I see when he is texting. He is always texting other girls. Twice, I saw him telling two different girls that he loved them.

There is never a time he would tell me that he loves me or even just say 'I missed you' when he was abroad, but yet I see him telling other girls that.

I really don't know what to do or if this relationship is going anywhere. If I should tell you all I am going through, it would take all day.

I always try to please him just to make things work. When I asked him about the texts I saw, he said he didn't want to talk about it, and told me I shouldn't bring it up again. But if he feels that I am doing something, he never stops until I answer him. I can say that he is manipulative. I await your response.

C. E.

Dear C.E.,

From what you have said, it seems as if this man is a player and he is taking you for a fool. You are not a fool. You are an intelligent young woman and you are with a man who feels that he can do anything to you and get away with it.

That has to stop and you are the only one who can bring that to an end. You have to stand up and let him know that you are not willing to allow him to use you anymore.

This man and you have been going together for three years. That is long enough for him to decide whether he would make a commitment in marriage. It does not appear that he wants to commit.

In the presence of people who know that you are his woman, he embarrasses you by saying that he does not have a girlfriend.

Then what are you to him? What message is he sending to his friends or to you? By the way, doesn't the church know that you two are having a relationship?

It is not a social relationship. You were even living in his house while he was abroad. He is only trying to fool himself. You know better. How long are you willing to wait? You shouldn't wait any longer. You are 25 years old.

Tell this man you would rather leave him than end up being an old maid. Tell him you would rather leave him and trust the Lord for another man who would love you and respect you and marry you.

Please write to me again. I will be praying for you.


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