I have herpes and I'm suicidal


November 10, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I got involved with a married man when I was 17 years old. I was in grade 11. He was in his mid 30s; however, I did not know he was married until a year into the relationship. By that time I turned 18 and graduated from high school. When I found out that he was married, I wanted to end the relationship, but he refused because his wife lives overseas and he told me he loved me more.


I was stupid to stay with him, and I was warned by my friend and a relative not to be involved with him anymore. I ignored everyone and persisted with the relationship. After my mother found out about us, she told me she did not like us together. I did not care ,and my mother was suffering from cancer and going through chemotherapy so she wasn't in any good frame of mind to deal with me. I stayed with him even after his wife's visits became frequent.

In June of this year, one evening after I came from school and went to his house, I saw that he was disturbed. I asked him what was on his mind and he sat me down and told me he had a confession. He told me he contracted herpes probably from his wife and he found out a year and six months into our relationship.

I did a blood test and the doctor confirmed that I was exposed to the virus. I haven't been the same since. I cry day and night. I feel like my life is over at 21. I don't feel like I want to live any longer. I feel so suicidal. I'm confused. I have no one to talk to. I can't tell my mom, she'll be heartbroken. To top it off, this man won't leave me alone.

I need some advice ASAP Pastor.


Dear Suicidal,

I am very sorry to hear that you were tricked by this married man. He should have told you from the very first time he met you that he is married, but I am not surprised that he didn't because most married men, who are dishonest and their only desire is to have sex with the girls they meet, do not divulge their true status.

Some men do lay their cards before the girls up front and leave the girls to decide whether or not they would have intimate relationships with them, but the majority don't. I am not prepared to criticise you or condemn you for having a relationship with this guy because you took him at his word.

Where you went wrong was, even after you became aware that he is married and you were warned by your mother and others, you continued to be intimate with him. He is indeed a deceiver and a wicked man. He has herpes, but he never told you. I hope your doctor explained to you that there are different types of herpes and how you can prevent yourself from passing it on to others.

I do not want to scare you, but I would sincerely encourage you to work with your doctor. I am absolutely sure that he/she will do their absolutely best to help you. Follow his/her advice. I wish I could give you good news and tell you that you are safe, but you are not safe. I cannot overemphasise that you should carefully follow the advice of your doctor. My prayers are with you.


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