My boyfriend is too controlling

December 13, 2016

Dear Pastor
I am 17 and I have a boyfriend who is 23. He is a good man. He takes good care of me.

I am the only child of my father but my father does not live in Jamaica. If I send and ask him for anything, he tells me that he would ask his wife because she is the one who gets his money every week.

So he does not control his money. That is why I have to have a boyfriend.

When I was 16, he put on a sweet 16 birthday party for me at my cousin's house.

After my friends left, my boyfriend came and picked me up and took me to his house and I had sex with him. This was the first time I had sex.

My boyfriend did not use a condom and when it was time for my period and I did not see it, I said it to a friend and she told me what to do.

I did it and told her and she said it looked as if I was pregnant. I couldn’t tell my mother but I told my boyfriend. I was doing well in school so he spoke to a doctor and took me there and I did an abortion.

I was not well at all and my mother suspected that something was wrong. I told her that I was not feeling well and I went to the doctor.

She started to curse and said that I must have done something with a boy and she wanted to know his name. She asked me if I was having sex and I told her yes.

She called him and he came to see us and he told her that anything that happens to me he would take the responsibility.

He still did not tell my mother that I did an abortion. He gave my mother $10,000 to buy whatever I wanted.

My cousin got pregnant too but she did not have an abortion and when I saw her baby I felt jealous and wanted mine.

My mind is changing now from my boyfriend because he is so controlling. He wants to know everything I do because he is giving me money.

My mother does not say anything anymore. If I complain about him she says that I am complaining because I want to be bad.

My mother loves him because she gets money from him too. 

I want to have a profession. I heard that my boyfriend has a baby mother but he says that it is not true. He has a good job and he plans to introduce me to his parents.


Dear B.G.
I have often heard from young women that they have gotten involved with men because of need. And that is what you are trying to say.

Evidently, this man is in a position to assist you financially but he should not have encouraged you to trick your mother and to give her the wrong impression about your whereabouts after your 16th birthday.

I believe that you would live to regret what you have done. I believe that it is wrong for a man to trick a young, naive girl. 

This man should not have encouraged you to do an abortion without the knowledge of your mother.

I can see that your mother is so poor that although she has expressed her disappointment in you, she is quite comfortable in taking money for herself from this man.

I hope that she would not regret encouraging this man to have an intimate relationship with you although you are under 18.

I hope that you would concentrate on your school work and that this man will not become the most important person in your life right now. 

You say you want to be a professional. I hope you will get the passes that would help you to pursue your goals. 

I hope you won’t do anything stupid and have unprotected sex and expose yourself to become pregnant again. If you feel you must have sex, a condom should be used.

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