Leaving him because he cheated


December 28, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I am married. I met my husband when I was 19. We dated for two years then we agreed to live together.

Soon after, I became pregnant. My boyfriend got transferred to work in St James. We talked to each other every day.

After six months, I noticed I could only talk to him during the day.

He told me that when it was time to have the baby, he would try to get back to Kingston to be with me.

He said he would come, but he never came. When I was in labour my sister tried to reach him, but he would not answer his phone.

When I gave birth, we called him back and told him that I had the baby. He said that he did not see any missed calls on his phone. That was the time I started to think something was wrong.

One of his friends told me my babyfather found a woman down in the west.

This girl was a schoolgirl and she used to sleep with him at his apartment. I asked him about it and he said that the person who told me that is a wicked liar.

I insisted that I wanted to visit him. He told me that he could not accommodate me and that the place was not convenient.

I did not tell my brother what I had heard, but I asked him to drive me there.

When I got to the place, I called him and told him that I am at his home and I wanted to go in.

I told him that if I cannot go in the house, the relationship between the both of us was over.

He sent me the keys with a female friend and when she opened the door, she told me to wait. I did not wait.

I went in straight behind her and I saw evidence that a woman was either staying there or visiting him there. I even saw the schoolgirl's uniform.

I called my brother to come in and he said, "Sister, I am not leaving you here."

He took me back to Kingston. The next day, my child's father came and confessed that the distance caused him to cheat.

We made it up and then got married, and my husband came back to live in Kingston, but he never left the girl.

Two years after she came to Kingston, he got her a job and he also got her pregnant. He said that the child was not his, but the girl told me that she had a boyfriend with him.


The boyfriend always used the condom, but my husband told her that he was allergic to condoms, so she allowed him to have sex without it.

Pastor, I am not staying with this man. He passed on genital disease to me and he could have gotten that from the woman or any other girl. I am going to leave him.

I am ashamed of the way he is carrying on. Whenever I refuse to have sex with him, he wants to beat me up and he threatens me and tells me that I wouldn't live to have another man with him.

He is still with the girl although she has her boyfriend.


Dear M.R.,

I suggest that you tell your husband that before you divorce him, both of you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor.

Your brother did the right thing by taking you back to Kingston. Perhaps that should have caused you to end the relationship with this man, but you loved him and were willing to forgive him and give him another chance.

Perhaps your husband held the opinion, like so many men, that as a man he can do what he wants to do.

That is what some men think, and that it is a man's thing to have a wife and have many other women; but their wives can't stop them or have other men with them.

He says that he is allergic to the condom. Some men are indeed allergic to latex, but it is still the safest type of condoms.

He continues to have sex with his girlfriend 'bareback' and put you at risk. I understand why you are threatening to leave him.

He is fighting back, but your life is very important and you want to live long to take care of your child.

Therefore, if this man continues to play the fool, I would support you by encouraging you to divorce him.


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