My wife's too boring in bed


December 28, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 35 years old and my wife is 40. My wife has children. I do not have any.

I spent nine years living with a woman. After six years of friendship, we broke up because nothing was happening.

I got married to my present wife after she invited me to church, but my marriage is boring.

Everything I try to get her to do in bed, she can't be bothered. She lies down on the bed like a log when we are having sex.

At times, I feel for sex more than one time for the night and she quarrels about it. Since I met this woman and became a Christian, I never cheated on her.

It is work, to church, then home. She is weighing 20 pounds more than she used to.

I am too ashamed to tell you what I have been doing with her right there on the bed. That is not right, but she doesn't care.

Pastor, my ex-girlfriend who couldn't have children was very great in bed. She used to try new things in bed and we enjoyed it.

Some months ago, I asked my wife to do the doggy style (back shot) and she said, "Afta mi ah nuh dawg".

I wonder what you can tell me to do, because I am so fed up with this woman.


Dear R.C.,

Perhaps your wife believes that Christians should not do anything different, and that sex should just be a routine and it is wrong to engage in different positions.

That is what many people believe. They do not see sex as something to enjoy. They consider sex only for procreation.

I want you to tell your wife that the Bible says that a man must enjoy his wife and she ought to enjoy him.

A man's wife must satisfy him and he ought to satisfy her, and they should never let boredom take over their relationship.

Here is what the Bible says about how to be happily married.

First Corinthians, Chapter 7 in the amplified version, says: "Now as to the matters of which you wrote: It is good (beneficial, advantageous) for a man not to touch a woman [outside marriage].

Verse 2: But because of [the temptation to participate in] sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

Verse 3: The husband must fulfil his [marital] duty to his wife [with good will and kindness], and likewise the wife to her husband.

Verse 4: The wife does not have [exclusive] authority over her own body, but the husband shares with her; and likewise the husband does not have [exclusive] authority over his body, but the wife shares with him.

Verse 5: Do not deprive each other [of marital rights] except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves [unhindered] to prayer, but come together again so that Satan will not tempt you [to sin] because of your lack of self-control."

What I am trying to say is that your wife should not deny you sex. She must do her very best to give you your desire and you should be careful not to deny her the privilege to have her when she wants you.

I am afraid that women who do not seek to satisfy their husbands would lose them. Try your best to find a family counsellor and discuss these problems before things get worse.

A normal sex life is very essential, and it is the highest expression of love between a man and his wife. Space does not allow me to say more on this matter.

So, please, see a family counsellor for more guidance.


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