My mother doesn't want me to have a girlfriend

by

January 04, 2017

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you in the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Let me also wish you and yours a Happy New Year. I write to you seeking advice on a relationship. I am a 20-year-old man. I currently live with my mom and aunt and other relatives in the parish of St Ann. I work at a financial institution, and I go to school in the evenings after work.

I would like to know if starting a relationship would be a good thing for me to do right now. I was in a relationship that ended two years ago. That was my first and only relationship, and from there on I have been single.

Now, I am contemplating whether I should go ahead with another relationship. There is this girl that I like and she's from Portmore, but she's very much ignorant, so I hardly communicate with her. Maybe I am enticed by her looks because she is really pretty.

My mother tells me that I should get an education and a roof over my head before I start thinking about girls and relationship.

Don't get me wrong, Pastor, because it's not that I don't listen to her or believe what she says, I just want to hear what you have to say about that. I don't have many friends, nor am I an outdoor person. I am always at home when I don't have to be on the road.

I await your advice. I will take into consideration anything you say.

T.D.

Dear T.D.,

I believe that your mother is overprotective of you. She knows that you are easygoing and that you are not outgoing, etc, and that you are always at home. Therefore, she does not want to see you get hurt by any woman. She wants you to get more mature, so that you will be able to handle women, so to speak. She is also aware that some women will take advantage of a guy who is cultured and has manners. She knows you very well. You are her son, but what she doesn't know is when to let go.

She doesn't see you as an adult. She would describe you as her baby. That is what some mothers do, and your mother is in that category. She would kill any woman who does anything to hurt you. But there is nothing wrong if you get a girlfriend at your age. In fact, I would urge you to date girls, but do not become intimate with them. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is wrong for a man to date different girls without getting sexually involved with them. In doing so, he learns to socialise with women so that when he is ready for a serious relationship it would not be difficult for him to approach one of them.

I am glad to know that you are attending university. You are an ambitious young man. Don't become sidetracked at all, and when it comes to women, set criteria that are high. Don't go out or date any raggamuffin. Keep female friends who are intelligent and who can carry on good conversations, etc. Don't go with those who will embarrass you and those who are loud and disrespectful.

The young woman, who you described as ignorant, perhaps doesn't know better and probably has had a rough upbringing. Don't condemn her. You may talk to her from time to time, but don't give her the impression that you love her.

I wish you well, young man. Go to church and put God first in your life; you will not go wrong.

Pastor

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