Should I marry my girlfriend?

January 07, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and I am engaged to be married, but I am thinking about breaking this engagement. I am living in America and my girlfriend is living in Jamaica. She has two children and she is 23 years old. The father of the children doesn't support them, so I told her not to ask him for any money and I would help her with the children.

She and I used to be friends when I was 18 years old. She was the first girl I kissed. It was a goodbye kiss because I was going away, and I told her I would come back and marry her.

Six months after I left, she told me on the phone that she had bad news for me. She told me that she was pregnant. I did not talk to her again because I was so disappointed in her. After having the baby, a year after, she got pregnant again. She said the guy held her down and had sex with her. When I came back to Jamaica, we made up. I send her money every two weeks.

Pastor, this girl cannot show me one cent of the money I have been sending to her. She spends my money buying foolishness, and she changes her hairstyle twice per month, although she is still living in her parents' home. My brother told me that I should still marry her because he hasn't seen her with any guy. However, my sister says that my brother doesn't have to see her because she is a woman and a woman can always trick men.

My sister told me to send the money to her and she would give her just enough to take care of the children and save the rest for me.

We are planning to get married in December 2017. I don't know how to tell her that I want to send money to her through my sister. I am wondering if I should postpone the wedding for a later date.

Please, pastor, give me your fatherly advice.


Dear T. R.

I do not believe that your sister should get involved in the relationship you are having with your girlfriend. What you should have been doing when you sent money to her was to tell her to take a certain amount to take care of herself and the children, and save the rest in the bank. If you were telling her that, you would have good reasons to question what she did with the money and be in a position to make alternative plans. But I don't think it is fair to condemn her for not saving some of what you sent her. Perhaps she was not extravagant in spending, but at the same time, she was not careful how she spent the money.

This young woman has made mistakes, but if you truly love her, you should not disappoint her. It is not time for you to think about postponing the wedding. Come to Jamaica as often as possible, and show this young woman that you love her and trust her. Both of you should try to get some guidance from a marriage counsellor whenever you are in Jamaica.

Take care of yourself, young man. Use common sense as you plan for your future.


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