I am trapped between two men

by

January 25, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I need your advice and I hope that you can help me. I was living with a man. We were together for 17 years. He always cheated on me. I cheated on him a few times.

When he left me and went to live in America, he told me on the phone that he was not coming back because he found a Puerto Rican girl and she is of brown complexion and nice. I cried and cried, but I got over him.

My brother introduced me to a man, who started to visit me. My children's father didn't like him. My son ran him out of the yard one day.

He and the man almost got into a fight and I had to go between them to prevent them from fighting. So the man stopped coming to the house.

I needed help so I went to live with him. I couldn't stay there long because the condition in which he was living was not pretty. I was accustomed to inside toilet and running water but he didn't have that.

I had to catch water and at night and go outside to use the toilet. If I was making love to this man, my neighbour would hear because his house was a board house with a ply-board partition.

The house where I am living belongs to my children's father. My boyfriend cannot come there because of my children, especially my son. So I could visit him but not sleep over. Every week he gave me $4,000.

Then one day my children's father showed up. He did not tell me he was coming. When I asked him what he was doing in Jamaica, he said that he had come home.

My heart was beating very fast and I was sweating. He told me that I shouldn't fret because he heard I had a man. So, if I didn't want to have anything to do with him, he would sleep in his son's room.

The very night the man came he wanted to have sex with me. I objected and went to the living room and sat down. The children welcomed him as if to say nothing had happened.

To live in peace with him, I decided to have sex with him.

He asked me if I had sex with the other man. I told him that he should try and figure that out but I have nothing to say. I don't feel bad about what I did.

The children's father is to be blamed. I am a human being and I have feelings, and that was the only way that I could have survived. Since he has come back, all he is doing is sleeping and eating.

I want my freedom. I feel so trapped. It is like I am in a cage and the door is locked from outside. I don't know what to do.

H.I.

Dear H.I.,

I am so sorry to hear that your new life has been turned upside down because your children's father is now home and is behaving as if he has a right to have you and do whatever he pleases with you.

It seems to me that you think that you are at his mercy.

Your new boyfriend lives under very poor conditions. He can't help you much but you are not ungrateful to him.

He makes the sacrifice and gave you $4,000 every week. Perhaps he really loves you.

I really cannot encourage you to go and live with him. He has to have a home with better facilities.

You are not accustomed living under such poor conditions, and if your children know under what condition this man lives, they are likely to tell their father and he will use that against you.

He can't afford to pay your rent and your children will not accept him as a stepfather.

So their father would have to learn to turn his life around and ask you for forgiveness for treating you like a doormat.

It might not be wise to shut the door on him but it is a decision that you have to make. Whether you go or stay is a decision that no one can make for you.

Pastor

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