I have bad luck with men


December 11, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am a 41-year-old woman and something is bothering me that I would like to share with you. I have one daughter and she is 18 years old. She stays with my mother. She prefers to live with her grandmother. I am not worried about that because it was my grandmother who had her from the time when she was a baby, and I had to go and work to support her. Her father did not help me much. And every time I wanted money for her, I had to agree to have sex with him. Whenever I said no to him, he would threaten me. So I got fed up and told him that I was not doing that anymore; I never went back to his house or call him for any money.

One time when I went to see him to get some money, the man held me down and I decided to fight. He burst my underwear and had his way. That night I had to go on the bus without any underwear. I told myself not again.

I became friendly with another man; he was 61 years old. Pastor, this man was good to me. He was married but his wife died. He was a strong man and I really loved him. But every time Christmas is coming up, I remember what happened. My mother and daughter lived in the country so I planned to go down and spend Christmas with them. I told this man I will see him after Christmas. He said I should come to stay with him before I leave, so I agreed to go.

I cooked for him and I made sure that the house was clean. He said friends were coming over to stay with him for Christmas. He gave me $15,000 and told me that was all he could afford. We had sex that night and I left the following day. I promised that I would call him. I called him when I got home and told him I had reached down safely. On Christmas Day I called him, and on Boxing Day. A few days after Boxing Day, he had a heart attack and he never recovered.

I don't want any man again; I have bad luck with men. This man was everything to me and now he is gone.

So whenever Christmas comes around, I miss this man so much and I cry. He did not leave anything for me. Everything was left for his three children. But one of his daughters found a note on a New Year's card he bought for me and she gave it to me. I asked her how she knew about me and she said she saw my name and number in his diary. Sometimes I wonder if I should have spent the Christmas with him, and go to my mother for the new year.


Dear R.E,

You must be a very strong woman. You were able to fight off your child's father. Perhaps I should commend you for being determined not to allow him to use you as he pleased. I am sure you are aware that some men who have children have always insisted that if the women want support for the children, they have to go to bed with them. You complied until you were fed up. I think the mistake that you made is that you did not take this man to court.

Concerning the relationship you had with this very good 61-year-old man. You have said nothing bad about him. Both of you respected each other. I know you regret now not being with him for Christmas. But as a mother you wanted to be with your daughter and your biological mother. He gave you what he could afford and I am sure that he wished you well. He was looking forward to see you again.

You had nothing to do with his death, but I can imagine it really hurts. This man was your lover, and, evidently, he was reliable. You say you are not interested in any man because you have bad luck with men. But don't give up on men. One of these days you may just find a man you can trust again.

In the meantime, take good care of your

daughter and show lots of love to her and your mother.


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