Mom doesn't want me to date

by

December 12, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 15 years old and I would like to go on my first date. I have a boyfriend. We like each other; we have never gone on a date. We have never had a chance to do so.

We have never kissed, but I kissed a guy in school one day when we were alone in the classroom. It was not a nice kiss.

My boyfriend lives with his mom and dad, but I live with my mother. I don't know my father; I have never met him.

When I was 13, my mother told me that now that I was a teenager, she had to tell me what really happened in her life. She told me that she met my father at a street dance.

They were drinking and smoking the weed and they went to the back of a car and started to play with each other. They had sex and he got her pregnant.

My mother started to cry and said that she was not prettying it up, she was just telling me what really happened. She did not even know the name of the man.

When she missed her period, she realised that something was seriously wrong. She was 22 at the time and was going to college.

Her parents were mad with her, but they took care of me, and my mother finished college. She never saw the man again.

My mother said for a long time she hated all men, but she promised herself that she would not live with any man or get married until I grew up.

My mother does not let me out of her sight. Whenever she has to go out to meetings or any event, I stay with my grandparents.

Pastor, my mother does not know my boyfriend, but I would love to introduce him to her. My mother is very strict.

She searches my phone, so I warned my boyfriend not to send any suggestive messages.

Pastor, do you think I am too young to go on a date? I don't mean to have sex, or I don't intent to have sex.

Most of my friends go out with their boyfriends. I read your column all the time, so please answer me.

L.H.

Dear L.H.,

Let me begin by commending your mother for telling you about her upbringing, and the mistakes that she made at that street dance.

It is commonly said that a man only needs a spot to have sex. He doesn't care what spot that is, he doesn't need a bed, just a place where he can 'jam a woman'.

And I use the word 'jam' respectfully. That's why a woman has to be very careful of what she allows a man to do with her.

If your mother had sex with the man there, she must have been very high. But that is done and she had the courage to tell you what happened.

She would not want you to make that sort of mistake, and she is trying her best to give you an education.

I am glad that your grandparents were able to help your mother in taking care of you. I hope that you will do very well in school.

Please don't hide anything from your mother. Tell her about this young man who likes you.

Your mother seemed to be very strict. She doesn't want you to make the same mistake that she made. Some parents do allow their girls to date when they reach 16, but they are supervised.

In the US, girls date much younger. If your mother says that she would allow you, she would want to know where you are going and what time you will be back.

Some parents allow their daughters to date in groups so members of the group will protect each other.

I repeat, do not hide anything from your mother. Whatever you discuss with this young man about dating, you should let your mother know.

Concentrate on your lessons. The time will come when you will have lots of time to date. Men are not running away. If this guy loves you and you love him, keep that love in your heart and don't let it go to your head.

Pastor

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