5-year-old son saw my boyfriend and I naked


December 31, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I have one son. He is five years old. His father and I are not together again. We broke up because he is very wild. When we were together, I had to be fighting with other women and he would never take my side. He was always saying that I am the one making trouble. He has seven children and he is only 27 years old.

After we broke up, he didn't support his son, but I told him that I would take him to court. My sister's husband is a lawyer and he told me that he would represent me in court. When I told him what I was going to do, he said I didn't have to embarrass him in that way. So, he started to give me $5,000 every month for the child. It is not enough, because the little boy is going to school, but I don't fuss about it because I am working and I know he has the other children to support.

Sometimes he sends me texts telling me that he still loves me and how he wants us to get back together again, but I am not interested. I am writing to you because of something that happened recently. I have a boyfriend. He doesn't live with me, but he helps me a lot. He says that he loves me, but the problem is, he has had a girlfriend for more than three years and he promised to marry her, and most of her relatives know him. He says that he loves me more because I can reason with him better than the girl.

Right now, she is pregnant, so I have to understand myself. My son and I sleep in separate rooms. This man helps me to pay for the small side of the house where I am living. Sometimes my son would go to bed in his room, but he would wake up and come into my room on my bed. I don't lock the door between my room and his room because I believe that anything can happen and he may need me.


One night, my boyfriend came there and we had sex. I fell asleep on my back naked. My boyfriend who fell asleep and he was naked. My son came into the room, turned the lights on and saw me spread out like that with my boyfriend. He did not touch me, but he touched my boyfriend to wake him up and asked him what he did to me and why he did not have on any clothes. I woke up and ordered him back to his room, and I spanked him and told him he must never do that again.

I thought the little boy would never mention it to anybody because I told him not to, but he told my mother about it and she called me and cursed me, and called me worthless. I told my mother that he did not see us having sex. He just saw us naked and asleep. My mother told me that I give my son something to talk about and something he would always remember because my son, at five years old, should not see my nakedness.

How can I get my son to respect me again? I know I should have locked the door, but I forgot. I cannot stop this man from coming back to the house because he pays almost all the rent, and when I don't have money to pay the light bill, he does.

Pastor, give me your advice.


Dear H.R.,

Without a doubt, you have been careless, but I will not condemn you at all. I believe every word you said. It was a mistake. I am not suggesting that the door between yourself and your son should be always locked; however, when your boyfriend is there, you should make sure that it is locked.

But, whether he is there or not, you should advice or instruct your son that he should always knock before entering your room. If he had knocked, perhaps you would have heard, and you would have enough time to cover yourself or to tell him to go back to bed, etc.

I repeat, I am really sorry that you suffered such an embarrassment, and it is not something that your son will ever forget. Spanking him wouldn't knock it out of his head. You need to be careful how you conduct yourself in the future.

This man who is your lover has told you the truth. At present, his girlfriend is pregnant. He told you he loves you, but he can't marry you because he has already made a commitment to his girlfriend. I know you are grateful for what he is doing for you. It takes a good man to pay the rent for a woman and to support her in different ways. But you are working, and it would be unfair to the woman who he has planned to marry for you to get what she should get. So, you may have to find a cheaper place to live so that you can pay your rent on your own.

Reason with this man and show him why the both of you should end this relationship. He may want to hang on or you may want to hang on, but there is no future for the both of you being together. I hope you understand what I am trying to say to you.


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