My man gets upset when I give my son food


January 05, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old, and I am having a relationship with a man who is 50 years old. I am divorced, and I have two children. My children are not living with me. They were living with their father, but my son is always visiting me. Sometimes when he is going home from work he stops, and if I am cooking, he will wait until the dinner is ready and I would share some for him.

My man does not like that. I told him that my son gives me money sometimes, so if he wants a little dinner, I can't hold back on him.

My daughter is studying abroad, and a few times she has visited Jamaica. She spends some time with me and the man doesn't fuss about that. I am working, and I have my little house from Housing Trust. I am still paying for it. I can't rent it because that is where my son lives. Their father is living with another woman. I also have a brother who is sickly and unemployed, and he is living at the house too.

My son is not earning much, and he also has a girlfriend who is pregnant. This man said I spoilt my son because he should not have a babymother. His babymother is not working. I am no burden to this man. Sometimes I am tempted to leave him and go back to my place, but the area is bad. And this man knows that I don't like there. He is the one who encouraged me to leave and come and live with him.

Now it seems as if we are going to break up because I give my son a little food sometimes. I don't want to tell my son not to stop here for food. He is my son, and he is not a bad son. I told this man that I will never get married to him because my children come first in my life, and he doesn't love them.

I am asking you for your advice.


Dear P.F.,

Discourage your son from coming to see you for dinner often. If his girlfriend is living with him at the home, she should cook for him. You think the man with whom you are living is wrong to talk about your son coming there for dinner often. He believes that as a mature man, he should stand on his own and support himself because eating at your house regularly gives the impression that he is eating this man's labour.

So, instead of fussing with your partner, reason with your son and tell him to visit you occasionally, but not every day and expect to have dinner from you.

It is unfortunate that at your age, you have gone to live with a man. You should not have left your home. I believe that you made the wrong decision. And now that you believe that this man is miserable and mean, you are contemplating if you should move out.

I suggest that before you move, make an appointment to see a family counsellor. You are a grown woman. Don't allow this man or any other man to use and abuse you. Try and keep up your payments on your house. It might be small, but it's yours. You say you will never marry this man, but some people say things and change their minds after. I repeat, make an appointment for you and this man to see a family counsellor.


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