Cheating ex-wife still asks for my help

November 27, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am a Jamaican by birth, but I have been living in the US for more than 40 years. I have been married three times.

My first wife was a Jamaican. She did not want to leave Jamaica. When we got married, she told me that she would migrate, but she changed her mind. She was a schoolteacher.

Her friends told her that it would be difficult to get a teaching job in the US, so she should continue to live in Jamaica because she has a secure pension.

When I first went to the US, I drove a taxi. Pastor, I worked hard because we had three children. I was faithful to her. I sent money home twice a month to help take care of the bills and to send my children to school.

While I was doing that, my wife got involved with another man and became pregnant. That almost destroyed me. I never thought that would happen. She told me it was because we were living apart. I almost got a 'jacket', because when I checked the time she got pregnant and when I visited her in Jamaica and we made love, it didn't add up.

So you see, it was more than just being lonely because I spent one week with her in Jamaica. But she admitted that I was not the one who got her pregnant. She promised the baby's true father that she wouldn't reveal his name because it was most embarrassing.

She asked me if she could register the child in my name and I told her yes. But the people in the district realised that he did not look like me at all. I treated the child very well. I had to divorce her, but that child is with her in Jamaica. My other children are with me.

I got married to an American woman, but that marriage did not last. So I had to go through another divorce. But I am very happy with my present wife.

My first wife is still begging me to forgive her and now that she has retired, she wants me to help her to come to the US. Although I am disappointed in her, I don't hate her.

Her last child calls me daddy, and he also wants a break from Jamaica. His siblings who are in the US help him. I told them that they should help their mother, too.

The little money that I have saved, I cannot use it on her because she messed up herself and I have my present wife to take care of. One day, my first wife told me on the phone that when she thinks about how good I was to her, tears still come to her eyes. What do you suggest I do?


Dear F.M.,

You write as a person who has deep affection for your ex-wife and you would love to help her. I believe that you still love her and that you have forgiven her for her mistake.

You have told your children, who are in the US, with you to try and help their brother and their mother. That is a good suggestion. What they should do as well is to contact an immigration lawyer, tell he or she the whole truth, and the attorney would help them. I believe that the immigration lawyer would suggest that they file for their mother and their brother.

I understand that that process takes much longer than before. If they are citizens of the US now, they should be able to file. But I am not a lawyer. So they need to contact an immigration lawyer, who would explain everything to them relating to the matter of filing.

You are a good man. You did not embarrass your wife after she got pregnant. You allowed her to register the child in your name, and I am sure that you did not treat the child differently from your other children.

I am curious to know where is the biological father of your ex-wife's son. You did not say anything about him. Is he in the child's life? As I said, I was just curious.

Although you have be careful with your money as you get older, whatever you can do to help your first wife, do so.


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