Ready to leave him because he won’t marry me

November 27, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about a problem I am having and I would like to hear how you feel about it. I am in my 40s and my man is in his 40s, also. We have been living together for 10 years and we have two children together, but he had three other children with other women.

Every year this man promises to marry me and whenever the time comes, he changes his mind. We were supposed to get married in May 2019, but we did not go through with it because my mind has changed from him. I have been quietly having a relationship with a man who lives overseas.

One of my girlfriends, who is working and has been overseas, set up this man for me. I went to spend a week with her when I met the man. It was a rewarding vacation and I am eager to go back.

My man out here is wondering why I haven't said anything again about marrying him. He said I have changed, and I really have. He makes good money and we have a house.

When he bought the house, he didn't put my name on the title. But I don't want to own it anymore because I am determined to leave him. I don't want to leave my daughters with him when I am going. I want to take them with me. This American man told me he would come to Jamaica and marry me, but because of COVID-19 I don't want him to travel.

This man in the US was married before, but his wife divorced him. My friend said that he is not living with anybody. I asked her if he does not have a female visitor and she told me that she suspects that, but I shouldn't let that bother me. He told me that he goes out sometimes. I know what that means.

I know I am taking a risk, but I can't deal with this Jamaican man anymore. When he didn't put my name on the house title, I was mad at him. But I know that he can't put me out of the house. I don't have any feelings for him anymore. I still do everything for him. I just want COVID-19 to finish. Some of these men are too wicked and selfish. Now, what do you have to say?


Dear I.D.,

I hope you won't be disappointed in this new man who your friend is encouraging you to marry. As I read your letter, I didn't see any serious issue with the man you are living with, apart from the fact that both of you are living together for a long time and he has promised to marry you every year.

Now you are not interested in marrying him anymore because your girlfriend has organised something for you abroad. When you went up there, both of you had a foxy time. It is said that new brooms sweep clean, but old brooms know all the corners. I hope this man who lives overseas is not fooling you.

Your girlfriend in the US is encouraging you in this relationship. She thinks she knows everything about him and that he doesn't have any woman up there. She cannot swear that she knows everything about this man. Don't burn every bridge behind you as you leave this place. Make sure that when you are leaving, you don't curse the man with whom you have been living all these years, because you may not know what may happen in the US, and you may have to return to Jamaica to this man.


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