What is the point of marriage?

January 14, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and I have a boyfriend. He talks to me a lot about marriage. He is 24 and he is going to theological college.

Both of us are trying our best not to get into trouble, but we do like to spend time alone and talk about our future. A few weeks ago, I asked him what is the purpose of marriage and he told me it is to have sex with a free conscience. He said to have sex without a free conscience would bother him. I told him that if marriage is just to have sex, then I could do so without getting married because some of my friends have sex toys and they help themselves and they are not married. We talked about it but didn't come to a full agreement about why a couple should get married. If it is just to have sex or to have children, we know that many children are born into the world and their parents were not married.

I have never had sex. But my fiance has. Can you shed some light on this topic for us?


Dear T.A.,

Marriage is a sacred ordinance created by God himself. In the Garden of Eden, God said to Adam and Eve that they should be fruitful and multiply and fill the Earth. God performed the first marriage: Adam, the man and Eve, the woman. God blessed them. The Bible does not say how many children Adam and Eve had, but according to Jewish tradition, Adam and Eve might have had over 30 children. Adam lived for hundreds of years, so it was not impossible for him to have over 30 children.

You can look into Genesis 2: 4-5 and get a good understanding of Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel and Seth. Now, if a man lived over 900 years, he could have had many children.

Your fiance is not all together wrong when he said marriage is to have children, but that is not all. It is not only procreation. Marriage is for companionship. After God made Adam, God said that it was not good for man to be alone. A man needs a woman in his life. And that is why God created Eve for Adam, because it was not good for Adam to be alone. It was Adam who called her 'woman' and said she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. She was supposed to be his companion and both of them were to enjoy sexual pleasure together.

Although you have not said it, I am sure that you fantasise sometimes. Everybody does. Young women think about what they will do to their lovers when they are married and what their lovers will do to them. So when your boyfriend said that marriage is to have sex, you could see where his thoughts are. So, don't think his thoughts are filthy; he just wants you to know how he feels.

When the time is getting closer for both of you to get married, both of you should go through premarital counselling and discuss everything possible about marriage. You should purchase books and learn the role of a woman in marriage and the role that a man plays. I thank you for your question and you have my prayers.


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