Boyfriend is taking too long to marry me

Dear Pastor,

I am living with a man for the past two years. He and I went to school together and we graduated together. His family loves me and have accepted me. His mother told him that he should settle down with me and not run around with other women. Sometimes I go to his mother's home and comb her hair. She does not have daughters - she has three boys. She loves when I wash, dry and comb her hair. Her other sons are still living at the house, but my boyfriend and I are living together.

When I asked him when we are going to get married, he told me that the time has not come. I would love to get married very soon because I would want him to get me pregnant, but I don't want to become pregnant unless I am married. I would also like to start attending church. I grew up as an Anglican, but that church is too quiet, so I visit an Apostolic church. Not many of them in the church know that I am not married because I wear a ring, so they think that I am a married woman.

My boyfriend treats me very well. I have male friends who call me sometimes and he just hands me the phone if he is near to it. I am on the Pill, but I am tired of taking it. However, I will have to continue until this man is ready to marry me. We were able to buy a car, and most times I have the car because I go to school in the evening, and my boyfriend does not make a fuss about wanting the car. He takes the bus home from work, and most times he starts the cooking until I get home. I don't want to lose this man, but I am anxious to get married. He has been talking about going to America, but I do not want him to go and leave me alone. I don't trust long-distance relationships. I have seen too many of my friends lose their partners after they separated, with one living in Jamaica and the other living abroad.

My mother told me I should not push my boyfriend to marry me; I should wait until he is ready. But as I see it, time is rushing by. There is no reason why he should not make up his mind and marry me. Please give me your advice.

K.M.

Dear K.M.,

You are in a stable relationship and you are accepted by this man's relatives.

His mother loves you and you have been kind to her. Your relatives also love him. You want to get married and I can understand that, but he is not ready. But if you constantly talk to him about it, he may think that you are harassing him. Perhaps the mistake that you made was to agree to live with him before both of you got married. So often when women live with men, the men are very slow in marrying them. Some men consider that they are getting their clothes washed and their house cleaned, and they also get their sex whenever they wish. So you hear men ask, "Why buy a cow when you can get milk free?"

Continue to discuss marriage with this young man, but don't do so every day. I wish both of you well.

Pastor