I want my baby to come home

Dear Pastor,

I am 65 years old and I have never been married. I lived with a woman for 10 years, but we were never married. I took her with two children. I never use protection with her, but I never got her pregnant. At one time I thought she got pregnant, but she said that was never the case.

I was suspicious of her because for a while she was acting funny. She did not want to sleep with me. However, she suddenly decided to start sleeping with me again. I asked her if she got pregnant and aborted it and she said no.

Her two children left and went abroad, and they encouraged her to come and live with them. They both got pregnant and they needed help, so she went away to help the children. Both girls shared a house. When she left to be with her children, she said that she would return within a year. She came back and wanted to go again, so I told her it was alright for her to do so. She got permission to stay overseas, and so she left me alone.

I never got involved with another woman.

I am 65 years old now and I want this woman to come back. Her children told me that they would have encouraged her to come back if we were married. However, because we are not married, she has no obligation to return.

I feel so sad in my heart because I love this woman. This woman used to help me a lot, but now I am alone. We built a chicken coop and raised chicken. I used to raise pigs, but not any more; but I still raise chicken. We did our little farming.

I reminded the girls that it was the chicken and the pigs and so on that sent them to school until they left Jamaica. They were never rude to me, it is just that they don't want their mother to come back.

I am too old to give up everything I have in Jamaica to go where she lives. The girls told me that their mother doesn't have anybody and I believe them, but that is no comfort to me.

During the Christmas season, I met a woman who is 68 years old. She says that she loves me, but to tell you the truth, she is too old for me. This woman who is living abroad is 61 and whatever I have, she should inherit. I asked the girls what I would do if I should come where they are. They say they could help me to get a job.

It has been many years that I have not worked for anybody. I don't think I can fit in to have anybody over me. They say I could do security work. However, it will be hard to leave my house and go to pay rent, or to live with any of my stepdaughters.

I don't drink and I don't smoke cigarettes, but sometimes I take a little draw of the wisdom weed. I don't know what to do. I would marry her right away if she comes home. I really don't want to get involved with another woman, because I don't think another woman would treat me as well as my present woman. What do you think I should do?

N.P.

Dear N.P.,

I think I understand what you are going through. You were living with a good woman and you were a good man to her. Both of you took care of each other, but you made a mistake by not getting married to her. You haven't said it, but I wonder whether you felt that you shouldn't get married because, according to the Rasta brethren, a man should just take a woman and live with her and call her his wife.

Now reality has got to you. Her children left for abroad and they needed her help, so they sent for her, and you are left alone.

I understand your frustration, but I cannot encourage you to give up everything in Jamaica to join this woman. You would become a boy in the home of this woman's daughters and be told what to do and what not to do. You have always been a self-employed man, so I believe you should continue to be your own boss.

Nevertheless, I could imagine how difficult it is for you not to have your woman around you and to assist you in every way.

Going to live in another man's country at your age and to seek employment would be tough; it would be like starting all over. I cannot suggest that you go. Nevertheless, the decision is strictly yours. Her children told you that their mother doesn't have anything coming home to. The truth is, she has you to come to. I think what they mean is that she would be better off staying with them, because they could support her financially.

If you are eager now to marry to her, you may suggest to her and to the children that the both of you can get married and you spend time with her there, then return to Jamaica. Every six months or so, you could visit her and spend a couple weeks and return home. That would sound crazy to some people, but many couples from Jamaica are living like that, especially couples in your age group.

Pastor