My church crush treats me like a boy

Dear Pastor,

Many years ago I was very active in a church. I used to admire a young lady who was also very active in the church. She is older than me.

I had lots of respect for her, so although I admired her, the thought of inviting her out did not come to my mind because I knew that to her, I was just a boy. This woman was a teacher and I was in high school. However, after high school I went on to college and I began to teach Sunday school. It was then that she started to look at me in a different way.

One day, members of the church were going on a trip. She asked me whether I was planning to go and I told her I could not afford to go. She offered to pay for me and I told her thanks. She also prepared lunch for me. While we were on the trip she told me that I was special and she has always admired me. She asked me if I had a girlfriend and I told her no. I then said to her, 'Miss, don't you have a boyfriend?' She said no, and that I could become her boyfriend. I told her that I would be very fortunate.

Pastor, we started to date. I never thought that she would have been interested in me. However, I had a problem because people used to talk bad things about her. They said that she was too old for me and she was robbing the cradle. I didn't like what they were saying.

There were times when I made suggestions to her, and she responded by saying that I am just a boy to her, so I should listen to her. She bought herself a car and she didn't want me to drive it unless she was with me.

My parents were planning to go to a family reunion and I was planning to go as well. She wanted to go with us, but I told her that it was not possible. She had promised to let me use her car so that my parents and my brother could go, but because my parents were not in favour of her coming, she told me that her car was not available. My father hired a taxi. He told told me that my girlfriend is treating me as a boy and I would do better if I find another girl. I started to talk to another girl in the same church and she started to tell lies on me and the girl. It was so bad that my new girlfriend left the church.

I borrowed $50,000 from my girlfriend and she gave me three months to pay her back. I paid her $20,000 so far. She told me that she hope that I would pay up everything when I get my pay for April. I told her that was not the arrangement. She said I should let my new girlfriend give me the money.

All of a sudden she has turned against me. I asked my father for a loan to pay her off. I didn't want my father to know that I had borrowed money from her, but my father told me he would give me the money to give her. He said that I should not have anything to do with her. I don't have to give her all the money that she is demanding, but I do not want her to ask me for it again, so I will take it from my father and pay her. I will then tell her the relationship between us is over.

S.A

Dear S.A.,

I do not want you to be discouraged. I know many men who have married to older women and the relationships are going very well. When I entered the sacred ministry, my psychology lecturer told us that a man should marry an older woman. I do not remember what reasons he gave, but I know I was surprised when he said that.

On the other hand, I know a young man who marries to an older woman and she would always say to him, when they have a disagreement, "you are a boy."

Intelligent women don't remind their men that they are older than their partners. No good woman should endeavour to rule a man. So, your father was quite right to tell you to leave this woman.

A woman should know that it is not everywhere she should want to go with her boyfriend or her husband. So, she should have allowed you to have the car and keep herself quiet. But she has a right not to allow you to have her car because the car is hers.

I hope the time would come when you would be able to purchase a car on your own without her help. It is a pity that she has allowed jealousy to take over her life and that she has been causing your new girlfriend to feel uneasy at her church. I hope that you will not allow her to cause you to leave the church. If you are leaving, do so on your own volition and not because of any pressure that you are getting from her.

Pastor