Can engaged Christians have sex?


October 17, 2015

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and my girlfriend is also 23. We have been friends for two years. She lives with her mother and I am boarding. We have tried very hard to keep out of trouble and by that I mean not to have sex. We did it a couple times when we first met but we were not committed Christians. But after we committed ourselves we tried our best not to have sex. We have failed a number of times. We are planning to get married but my parents want to attend the wedding and they are not coming to Jamaica for now. Sometimes I don't know what to do because it is hard for me not to have sex. We practice dry sex sometimes but after that is done we still feel guilty. On New Year's night we went out and ended up at a hotel and after having a few drinks we did it. When we were leaving the hotel we saw a friend who knows us and she said to us, "A see you all, don't worry I won't talk". For the whole day it rested on my mind. A counsellor told us that because our wedding is set and we are engaged he doesn't think that anything is wrong in having a little sex together. But we are not sure whether that is right, so please advise us.


Dear H.G.,

I understand what you are saying. I really do. This young lady and yourself are facing serious temptations but both of you are not going to die if you don't have sex. While you are planning to have your wedding in which your parents plan to attend, you can have a very private ceremony with your fiance and yourself, two witnesses and the officiating minister. You can do so privately and free up your conscience and have as much sex as you like and then have a public ceremony. Invite those who you wish to attend your wedding and have your reception. However, you would not be able to sign the official papers. Those would have already been signed at the private ceremony. You can of course have a mock signing for the purpose of taking pictures but not the official papers. I would be very happy to officiate at that private ceremony for you. I will do so because I do not believe that what the counsellor told you is right. I hope that you misunderstood the counsellor but whether so or not I hope you will consider my suggestions. And I wish to tell you that many many couples have got married privately, so to speak, and after a few months they have had very large ceremonies.


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