Still hate my ex for cheating

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column since I was a child and now I am an adult.

To get straight to the point, I am 31 and have been living in America for the past four years as an immigrant. I met my husband in July 2025 and we got married this February; we are very happy. I do not work anymore and he gives me everything. My husband has an excellent job and is currently getting my status adjusted. However, three weeks before I met my husband, I found out that my boyfriend of almost 10 years in Jamaica had cheated on me and got a girl pregnant.

This boy, as I call him, has benefited in every way possible from me as I have always travelled and earned more money than him. There was nothing he was ever in need of that I did not give to him, only to find out that he was just using me. When I found out what had happened, I was very depressed and I felt suicidal, as we always made plans to build a future together. I thought that while I was here working towards that, he was doing the same.

On the day of my wedding, I found out that the child he got with the girl had died. He blocked me after that for no reason. However I found a way to send him a text wishing them condolences. Karma is very much real and I believe that is what happened to them for what they did to me. Even moving on with my life, I still cannot forgive them, but I really want to. But I don’t know how because they hurt me so much that this letter will not be able to hold these things.

I am grateful for the life I now have, but Pastor, how do I start this forgiveness journey to remove this hate from my heart? I do not like this feeling of deep hatred.

S.

Dear S.,

I am happy for you. Your boyfriend of 10 years disappointed you, but you have met a man who has married you and is in an excellent job.

You mentioned the type of work he does but I will not mention it. You seem to be saying that your former boyfriend is ungrateful because you have done much for him and you gave the relationship your very all. Life does not always go the way we plan. I am sure that the day will come when you will look back and thank the good Lord for the way things have turned out between this man and you.

You want to know how you can get over the feeling of hate for this man and the girl who got involved with him. It is not always easy to stop hating another person. But there is a secret that you can use. If you pray every day for this man and his woman, the feelings of hate will subside. If you don’t stop hating this man, it is not going to hurt him, but it will hurt you.

So, pray for him and do so daily, and over a period of time, you will receive the victory.

Pastor