Disobedient, pregnant daughter wants to return home

Dear Pastor,

I am living in the States and my present wife and I adopted three children eight years ago. She is my second marriage. We adopted two girls and one boy. One of the girls was ten years old and the other one was six, and the boy was five years old. They were all siblings. They were born on Christmas Day, Thanksgiving Day and Valentine's Day, respectively. My first wife died. This and I had a son together.

My present wife and I are in our early 50s .We had worked in our younger years. She was diagnosed with diabetes and she has other non-life-threatening health issues. However, we were told that having a child could put her at risk, so we decided to adopt children because this is a good alternative. I am with the Defence Department and my job is very risky. I don't allow these kids out of our sight, but we go out and do things together as a family every chance we get.

STABLE

I am financially sound and my wife doesn't have to go out to work. She is now a stay-at-home mom. I am away out of state five days a week, so she has her hands full. My kids are now 19, 15 and 14 years old. They all have made us proud.

The reason why I am writing to you is because of my 19-year-old daughter. Because of all the moving around they did while they were in foster homes, it caused her to be delayed one year in school. They couldn't read when we got them and they were embarrassed to attend school because of that. My wife and I spent a lot of time with them after school teaching them. She majored in English and history and I major in maths and science.

We figured, who was better to teach them, nurtured them and gave them the skills they would need to compete. We would constantly get praised on how well behaved these children were and the younger two were on the Dean's List every month; and at times, all three would be on the Dean's List. My eldest daughter had a 3.5 grade average in high school and only needed one more credit to graduate from school.

My 19-year-old daughter, from the age of 10, told us she wants to have four children before she is 24. My wife and I explained to her that not all families are in a position to do what we are doing. We have had issues with her in the past with lying and stealing. She gave us reasons not to trust her.

Last year she met a boy at her school. They were in the same grade and she wanted to go out with him. Since we were forewarned and she still lived with us, I was very concerned. Her grades dropped. She showed no interest in what was going on around her and at home, to the point that the boy became her life.

I reminded her that she only had one credit to graduate from school, which she would acquire at the beginning of the semester of her last year (2015) in school. And because we were forewarned about her goals regarding children, I told her that if she was going to continue seeing the guy, she would have to leave our house. I also met with her boyfriend and I told him if he loves my daughter he should slow things down and force her to complete school.

LEAVE HOME

On her 18th birthday, a day before Christmas, she decided to leave our home and move in with her friends. That didn't last long because she was not working. In late January, she claimed she was pregnant. I should let you know that the boy was her age and living with his dad and his new wife and their two children. His father couldn't or wouldn't take her in. He moved out of his dad's house to live with her too.

She had a miscarriage, but they stayed together. She dropped out of school. He graduated and is now working at a fast-food restaurant. Not much earnings, but my daughter stays home and after a year, still hasn't graduated and not working. I received a call from her boyfriend's father, saying that his son wants to return home, but since my daughter can't return to our home, he is trapped.

I received another call from her boyfriend's father at the end of December that my daughter has tricked his son and claimed she was taking the 'shots'. Now she is three months' pregnant, the boyfriend is saying he hasn't lived his life and already will be a dad. He does not want to marry her as she is no help to him, but she will always be in his life.

Prior to knowing that my daughter was pregnant, we had cut off all contact with her, since she had taken his side. We also move periodically because of my job. Now that she was told by her boyfriend that he will not be marrying her and she is now pregnant, she still has not graduated. She is now running scared and is doing everything to find us.

I really need your advice on this matter.

Father D.

Dear Father D.,

If you were to take your daughter back to your house, you should be prepared to face more trouble. She has been rebellious and disobedient and she has not changed. She has nothing and it would be tough for her to get a job without a high-school diploma. She would also be setting a very bad example to her siblings.

Therefore, I suggest that you insist that her boyfriend, who has made it clear to her that he will not marry her, find a family member who would keep her and assist her with the baby until she is able to find a job and go on her own. Life at your house was too easy for her. She was always wayward and her waywardness has gotten her into trouble. I will not encourage you to do so. She is a bad influence on her siblings and would make life much more difficult for your family.

Pastor