I had sex with my cousin
I am a fan of your column. I read your column every night. I am a 30-year-old female who is madly in love with my cousin. I met him when I first came to Jamaica five years ago. Since leaving Jamaica, I could not get him off of my mind. I came back to Jamaica two other times and spent some time with him but never told him how I felt.
The last time I came to Jamaica, I ran into him and we spent time at our grandmother's house. While at our grandmother house, he expressed that he has been in love with me since the first time I came to Jamaica in 2010. He was afraid to express his feelings but he could not hold it in any longer. He told me that he is in love with me and has been since he first saw me, and I told him that I have been in love with him since I first lay eyes on him in 2010 as well. Upon coming back to the Unites States in 2014, we have spoken on the phone every day and every night for hours.
I took a trip to Jamaica in 2015 to spend time with him and, for the first time, we had sexual intercourse with each other. The sex was amazing. It had my head turning all over the place. We had plenty of fun with each other going to Mystic Mountain, the private beach, horseback riding, etc. Whenever he needs money, I send him money because he is not working. We finally decided that we do not care what the rest of the family or friends say because we are in love and want to be together forever. We are already working on him coming to join me in the US and have our children after getting married. Our love is so strong that if we do not hear from each other, we get sick and can't eat anything. He feels what I feel, and I feel what he feels. Pastor, please tell me what we should do? Should we continue with this relationship although we are family? I am in need of your advice.
Why is it that you are asking me to tell you what to do when you have already declared that you do not care what family or friends say about this relationship because you have made up your minds to continue to be together. You are even planning to have children together. You are making arrangements to get married.
I hope that you are not very close relatives. The Bible declares sexual relations with close relatives is wrong and sinful. You can read that for yourself in Leviticus Chapter 18.
The Lord told Moses, 2 "Tell the Israelis that I am the LORD your God. 3 You are not to do what you used to do in the land of Egypt where you lived. You are not to do what Canaan does, where I'm about to bring you, so that you live according to their statutes. 4 Obey[a] my ordinances and keep my statutes by living by them. I am the LORD your God. 5 Keep my statutes and my ordinances, which a person[b] is to obey in order to live in them. I am the LORD.
6 "A person is not to approach a near blood relative for sexual relations.[c] I am the LORD.
7 "Neither your father's nakedness nor your mother's nakedness is to be exposed. She's your mother, so you are not to have sexual relations with her.
8 "You are not to have sexual relations with your father's wife. It's your own father's nakedness.
9 "You are not to have sexual relations with your sister, whether she's your father's daughter or your mother's daughter, whether she's born in your home or outside your home. You are not to have sexual relations with her.
10 "You are not to have sexual relations with your son's daughter or your daughter's daughter. You are not to have sexual relations with them, because their nakedness is your own nakedness.
11 "You are not to have sexual relations with the daughter of your father's wife. Born of your father, she's your sister, so you are not to have sexual relations with her.
12 "You are not to have sexual relations with your father's sister. She's your father's near blood relative.
13 "You are not to have sexual relations with your mother's sister. She's your mother's near blood relative.
14 "You are not to expose the nakedness of your father's brother by having sexual relations with his wife. She's your aunt.
15 "You are not to expose the nakedness of your daughter-in-law. She's the wife of your son. You are not to have sexual relations with her.
16 "You are not to have sexual relations with your brother's wife. She's the nakedness of your brother.
17 "You are not to have sexual relations with a woman and her daughter. You are not to have sexual relations with her son's daughter or her daughter's daughter. They're near blood relatives. It's wickedness.
18 "You are not to marry a woman and then have sexual relations with her sister as a rival when your wife[d] is still alive.
19 "You are not to approach a menstruating woman to have sexual relations with her.[e]
20 "You are not to have sexual relations with your neighbour's wife and thereby become ceremonially unclean with her."
Having quoted the above, let me add quickly that there are two reasons why people should not have a sexual/marital relationship with a close relative. The scientific reason is the threat of congenital defects in the offspring. The biblical reason has more to do with the health of the extended family. While laws usually do not address this aspect, we should still consider the wisdom of looking at the bigger picture.
May I suggest that this man and you discuss this love relationship with a medical doctor? Do not be in a hurry to get married. Bear in mind that when close relatives get married and have children, the effects of bad genes can be devastated.