Losing my mind after being sexual assaulted
How are you? I could not sleep, so I decided to write to you. Everything in my life is going wrong. I am so depressed. Sometimes I can't even focus on the things I am doing.
I feel as if I am going to lose my mind. A few weeks ago at my great grandmother's nine night, I got drunk and I told my father everything.
Now, I am regretting. Since then he hasn't looked at me; even when he talks to me, he doesn't look me in the eyes.
Pastor, I am not the one to be blamed, my mother is the one who should. She's the one who walked out. I spend most of my life going to Jehovah's Witnesses Kingdom Hall.
They all taught me back then when I was going through many things. I call on Jehovah but nothing has changed. At one point I stopped believing in God.
When I was living with my mom, I used to go to an Apostolic church. I didn't like it but each time I went, I got weaker and weaker until I started singing the songs and started to enjoy the church.
I tried to pray many times but when I closed my eyes to pray, it was like something was watching me. I could feel something behind me. I had to open my eyes and look around me.
The pastor prayed for me and soon I started to pray without fear. Now I am living with my father. All my relatives are pressuring me to serve Jehovah but my spirit is not there.
I feel like I'm in my own world. I think I am going to lose my mind. Pastor, my report came out but I did not do anything on my exams. I let everyone down because I wasn't usually like this. I feel like I am a failure. I await your response.
You told me in a previous letter that you were sexually abused by a friend of the family, but you did not report the matter to your parents.
This matter has caused you to become depressed and you find it very difficult to function. Because you did not report the matter, your parents and others were not aware that you were suffering mental and emotional anguish.
You told your father that you were abused by this man and he was shocked. It has greatly affected him, and even in talking to you now, he cannot look you straight in the eyes.
That means he blames himself for not giving you the type of supervision that you should have had from him.
I am deeply sorry to hear what has happened to you when you were only 13 at the time. No good father would want to hear that his daughter was sexually abused by any man, and especially by a family friend whom he trusted.
You say that you feel as if you are going to lose your mind. You need help. It is not too late to go for therapy. This thing happened two years ago.
I am therefore suggesting that you ask your father to make an appointment for you to see a family counsellor or a psychologist.
Your father should get involved because even if we were to make an appointment for you, your father would have to agree.
You told me the age of the man who sexually abused you. He should have been arrested and charged; unfortunately, you did not report the matter at all.
But now you are finding it very difficult to cope. My prayers are with you. You may tell your father that you have spoken to me on the matter and I have suggested that he should call me so that I could make suggestions to him as to where you could go for help.
I know the area in which you live and I am sure that I can get someone to see you without causing you any embarrassment.