My wife is determined to leave me


August 22, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for two things: some advice and some prayer.

For almost a year, I have been trying to convince my wife for us to go to counselling to work on our issues.

However, she has filed for a divorce.

I love her very much, and we have a child together who will be one in October. This November would be our second anniversary.

Pastor, I am no saint. However, I really tried to make this work. Due to some mistakes on my part, with the ways in which I handled my new environment and challenges, I have lost the only woman I have ever really loved.

In our marriage, I was learning about how to deal with issues like her mom coming to live with us, even before we got a chance to live by ourselves and enjoy each other's company.

I was also learning about co-parenting, as she had a child for her previous husband.

I guess I made jealousy get the better of me, with respect to the amount of time he spent at our home, and the close friendship which they had; I reacted badly to those scenarios.

Pastor, during her pregnancy, since it was deemed high risk, she was stopped from working, so I had to embrace the financial burden of taking care of two households, which I did without an issue.

However, she kept getting admitted to hospital, went in early for the birth, and after the birth, both wife and baby were admitted in hospital for a while.

Because they live in Florida, we had really high bills between the both of them, despite my company giving me medical insurance that covered some of the charges.

I guess with all the bills, we started to get frustrated over very small things, and allowed finances to come between us.

Pastor, I am a Jamaican who works with a cruise line, and I have my visas, so for me it was not an issue to spend time in Florida. However, I was away for six months at a time.


Pastor, she got it in her head that I was with her for paperwork, which was in the final stages.

She asked me to remove the doubt and divorce her to stop the process, and then for us to date afterwards. However, I was not on board with that.

Pastor, sometimes in anger, and because I am in so much pain, I say things that I realise really hurt her, and I cannot forgive myself for that.

I was brought up in the church and went to a Christian school but right now I am very low in faith.

Pastor, I am struggling with my job, and its affecting my team as I am a division head. I am trying but it's difficult because I am so broken, I do not know if I am going or coming, and I have two children in Jamaica, and I am sure even they are seeing a change in me.

Pastor, I just want to stop hurting. I know that all things are possible with God, so I am asking you to pray first that my wife can forgive me for being a misguided idiot and not adjusting properly. Second, pray for us to work things out, and third, pray that I stop just sitting on the border of Christianity, but go all in.

Thanks in advance for your prayers and any words of guidance that you can offer.


Dear R.N.,

One thing I know for sure is that you are very penitent. You made mistakes, but so has your wife. This cannot be looked upon as a one-sided mater.

You have said things that you have regretted and I sure she has said some to you. I could understand that the financial burden is on you and psychologically it has affected you.

Concerning your wife's former husband, you have a right to express how you feel if you believe that his visits to the house are too frequent.

Your wife should understand and respect your position. It is unfortunate that your wife is not willing to go for counselling.

I have sent you an email. I hope you receive it. I ask you to be strong. Read Psalm 37 every day and pray. Please let me hear from you again.


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