School life is stressing me
I'm in a depressive state right now simply because I have not been able to fulfil my dreams. I was trying to work on a scholarship, but that turned out to be futile.
I wanted to get at least seven ones in CSEC, but I only got five ones out of the eight subjects. I was so disappointed, but I got over it.
I also wanted to do some voluntary service and join some clubs because I understood that that is one of the requirements for a scholarship, but I could not because I had to work every day after school in order to finance myself, because my mother could not afford to take care of me. So, that's how I got lunch money, because my father died a very long time ago.
I've always felt disappointed in myself and I guess I have very low self-esteem. When I did GSAT, I was placed at a junior high school and I cried my eyes out.
At one point I blamed my mother because she could not afford to buy textbooks for me to use, so I barely got to practise.
I realised that maybe I was selfish to do that, because they are many children who were in similar positions and did great.
I, however, managed to pass my GNAT and was placed at a prominent high school. However, I had to repeat a year, which angered me.
I managed to finance myself through high school by working after school with a family member in the nights up to sixth form (lower six).
I didn't get to pay my school fee for sixth form because the money that I saved, I had to use it to pay for my CAPE subjects and buy the books that I needed and other school stuff.
The problem is, now that I have applied to a couple of universities, I was hoping that I could get student loan.
But I had no guarantor and I didn't want to burden any of my family members by asking them, because most of them barely have enough collateral, plus no one really wants to run the risk.
I knew I had no chance of getting any scholarships.
I'm thinking about trying to get a job and probably saving to go to university, although it's going to take some years to come up with that funding.
I don't think I want to go to upper six because I can't stand the late-night work and trying to get homework done and studying, also.
I don't think that I can manage that anymore. I don't get paid that much because I'm working for a family member, I guess.
So, I don't really complain about it. I got my CAPE results. Now, it's not what I wanted, but I am still grateful that I got only ones, twos and threes.
I feel I could have done a lot better if I had the time like other students. I feel frustrated at times because I really wanted to be successful.
Most people look up to me because, unlike other boys from my community, I did not drop out of high school and I managed to get a high-school diploma.
To be honest, I just wanted to finish university so I could help my mother because she really needs the help, plus she is not that literate, so it's difficult for her to get a job.
I also wanted to be useful to my grandmother who I'm now living with, and I also wanted to start university very soon.
I've learnt to accept my state and I just hope to become successful in life. I hope to start university soon so I can uplift myself and others who are in a similar position.
You have done well. In fact, I would say very well and you need to give God thanks. Stop complaining.
Sometimes you say that you are thankful for where you are now, but then you continue by complaining.
If you work hard and pray, God will open a way for you. Learn to put God first and God will bless you and give you the desire of your heart.